A Woman's Place...

Wonderful News!

2012-01-30T18:49:00.000-05:00

I have really good news.

Okay, not as good as a positive pregnancy test, but still, pretty good.

After the miscarriage we had a couple thousand dollars in medical bills after our insurance paid what they were billed for. The rest would have been covered by our insurance, but the various groups refused to accept it, and so we ended up with quite a bit to pay. I put the first thousand on our credit card somewhat begrudgingly. That covered pathology and radiology, (and that's where the balance remains, although hopefully I'll be able to pay it off sooner rather than later). I was annoyed that they'd charged me to test my whether I was RH negative, when I told them that I was not when they asked. I was also annoyed that they insisted on taking the baby, running a ton of tests when I told them not to, and then charged me $300 for finding absolutely nothing out, before returning the body in a taped up cardboard box. But we paid.

However, I was absolutely not willing to pay for the treatment I received for something like 15 minutes with two PA's that added up to a whopping $1600. I'm sorry but they each talked to me for five minutes, did one quick exam each (two separate trips) and said there was nothing going on yet, and then left me in a room where I delivered at 14 weeks by myself while everyone ignored my cries for help (if you're new, the story of what happened this last fall is here). One nurse that came in to try and help was stopped by another nurse and I heard her tell him she would be in there in a few minutes (didn't happen though). I had a major problem paying for that.

But the very idea of fighting the hospital over it made me sick. In fact, driving by the hospital would make me feel panicky. And it didn't help that the hospital has signs plastered all over this town and commercials on the airwaves talking about how wonderful they are. I let my Dad and Paul take care of it, and the payment company launched an investigation. I wrote up the story of the trip itself and they said a doctor looked at it and it was reviewed and that we had to pay. A collection agency began to call.

One night I took a deep breath and started writing out everything that had happened. Three months of incidents. It was hard. I was incredibly thankful for this blog because I'd written much of what happened here as it happened. I had exact dates for every problem, doctor's appointment and complication. I cut and pasted a lot. And in the end I had around 11 pages (I thought it was 20... but I went back and looked and it wasn't quite that long) of single spaced words, that described the entire process, up to the present.

Paul took it in while I waited in the car with the girls in the hospital parking lot, trying not to be upset by my proximity to that building. About twenty minutes later, Paul came out. Apparently the first woman to read it had begun shaking and rushed to give it to someone else.

A few hours later we were informed by the hospital that an investigation was being launched and that while it could take some time, they would try to do it within 30 days. Today, which is just about 30 days later, we received a letter.

I was very nervous opening it. I'm usually pretty optimistic, but this situation has been nothing but bad, and I wouldn't have been surprised to have more negative news.

The first page of typed words told me they were sorry that I was dissatisfied with my experience. I was pretty sure they were going to tell us to pay up, by the way the letter was headed. They went over what happened. And then...

They informed us that the people that had made the mistakes had not worked for the hospital. They were contract workers. And that they wouldn't be bothering us anymore, because our unpaid debt had been erased. I had to read it twice before the words actually registered. Then Paul read it too, noting the emphasis on "not our employees."

So I'm pretty excited. I was thinking of having a super sale on my stores to try to pay it off, if the letter had read differently, with a "hospital" etsy coupon. What a relief! And an answered prayer!

Mae Bae's Cabinet

2012-01-30T07:39:00.004-05:00

I can now jokingly tell Mae Bae to go to her cabinet. It's one of her favorite places in the house. In reality, I was spending so much time dragging her out of it, that I finally gave up and let her make it into her own little fort.

Sadie and Mae's Karate Class

2012-01-29T22:14:00.000-05:00

Sadie and Mae had their very first karate class today.

Okay... it wasn't a typical karate class. Mommy was the sensei (Show of hands: how many of you knew I actually am a real sensei? It doesn't come up often here!). It took place in our living room after we picked up the toys (Sadie is seldom that enthusiastic about picking up her toys!). And in the beginning it was a private lesson, with just Sadie, who had begged for nearly an hour before our little lesson to start learning karate so that she could be a "rescuer." She's very into "rescuing" Mae Bae these days, regardless of whether Mae wants or needs to be rescued.

To really explain how excited Sadie was about her "karate class" I'd have to add that she actually agreed to wear pants. Of course she changed out of them moments after our lesson was over, but getting her into pants any other time is pretty much impossible. We had tears at bedtime when I only had pants and a shirt for her to wear as pjs... because she had her heart set on a nightdress that was in the hamper...

Mae didn't take much notice of what we were doing at first. She was playing with a flashlight that Sadie has swiped out of my closet. After about twenty minutes she noticed and came over and laughed hysterically at every punch or kick. She loved the sound of my gi snapping with each kick and she was especially amused by the fact that I was counting out loud in Japanese.

After she stopped hysterically giggling, she joined in and we saw Ninja Mae Bae return. Sadie was a little hesitant when she was beginning to learn to punch. Mae watched us and started throwing punches left and right as fast as she could while still laughing. She practiced in the bathtub. She practiced while Nani was on Skype. So I guess she's pretty enthusiastic too.

By the end of the lesson Sadie had actually managed a few pretty good kicks. Not bad for a three year old! I kind of wish I'd started when I was three!

I've decided to start training again for exercise and I have a feeling that Sadie and Mae's enthusiasm to "practice karate," will be good motivation to train daily. It would be nice to have a place to train outside the house, maybe once a week... but I have a feeling that's a few years off! Maybe after Paul graduates.

I haven't mentioned karate on her very often, but it used to be a big part of my life. I have a black belt in Shorin Ryu Karate, a brown belt in Kyokushin Karate, a green belt in Taekwondo and I studied Aikido and Wushu for a bit in college (I was horrible when I gave Wushu a try when I was in Cape Town... it was too different from all the training I'd had previously). I taught a class briefly for the recreational sports department at my college, but hadn't had the time to train very often in the past half decade. Now it'll be something fun that the girls can learn with me, that will mean a little more exercise. I have a feeling I'm going to be sore tomorrow morning from the little we did today! It's definitely a good way to get back into shape!

The Green Dress

2012-01-29T11:38:00.001-05:00

The dress that I've been working on was finished just before midnight last night (just in time to wear it to Mass this morning). I managed to follow the pattern until it told me how to put on the zipper... then I just couldn't help myself as I caved in to my "I know a better way" impulse. I'm counting this as basically following a pattern though. It may be as close as I'm going to get!

The Machine

2012-01-28T09:32:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I finished all the remaining headcoverings and chaplets that had been ordered in the past month. It's the first time all month I've been completely caught up on paid for orders, although things have been working out perfectly, with each new order coming in within twelve hours of finishing the previous order. I have a few custom orders I've been working on, that I'm finishing up, but last night I paused to do a task that I've been dreading for the last two weeks.

I got out my new sewing/embroidery machine, with the manual and decided it was time for the machine to do more than decorate my bookshelf. For the last few weeks I'd been so busy with all the orders that I knew I needed to finish each night before the girls woke up, that I didn't have time to sit down and learn how to thread the bobbin, or use the auto threader to thread the needle (that was the toughest part... I've never had a problem threading a needle, and for a while I just did it manually, but I did want to figure out how the auto-threader worked, and when I finally got it to do what it was supposed to do I felt like I deserved a medal!). Being busy is a very, very good thing, but it meant that the sewing machine would wait a little longer.

I didn't want to try the sewing machine out on an actual order. That could be disastrous.

So instead I decided to do something that was slightly insane, while learning to use my machine. I got out the fabric that I had managed to cut out during nap time one day, and began sewing a dress. More specifically, I began sewing a satin dress, while ignoring the small voice of reason that was determinedly asking if I'd lost it. Satin is, after all, not my favorite fabric to sew.

After getting the sewing machine set up to sew I made it all the way to step two on the pattern before I encountered a problem. I needed to "gather" the fabric around the bust. On my old sewing machine this would have involved turning a dial. On the new sewing machine it involved a fancy touch screen (that I didn't realize was a touch screen) with a bunch of buttons with no words. I looked at the manual, which showed buttons I couldn't find. I tried pressing the buttons that were there, without luck. Finally I realized it was a touch screen (the problem with reading only the part of the instructions about the specific task I was trying to do) tapped it, and the buttons in the manual magically appeared on the screen. And voila, I could adjust the stitch length.

The machine sews beautifully. I still have to finish the sleeves, hem and neckline on the dress, and add the zipper but I'm pretty excited about how it's coming along so far. I do wish I'd used a more casual fabric, because the satin looks really fancy and it would have been more practical to make an everyday dress that I would wear more often. Or maybe I'll just wear this anyways, day to day, because the crepe back satin I use has already shown, via the princess dresses, that it's really, really tough. I went with this particular satin because I had so much of it laying around, that I got during a sale months ago, and I decided to test my poor pattern reading skills on it, before moving on to a fabric that I liked more.

This is a big step for me. I usually don't use patterns and just make things up as I go along, which either turns out very well, or ends in disaster. I'm like this with cooking and knitting too. Following instructions is apparently a weakness of mine. I always end up with some idea I think is "better" and end up switching things around. But I'm determined to follow this pattern all the way through... and I'm hoping (and expecting) to learn a bit about pattern reading (and patience) along the way!

Holy Water and Nightmares

2012-01-27T09:50:00.001-05:00

The first words that I heard this morning when I woke up was a small whisper saying: "Mommy. I need Holy Water."

This was in the wake of Sadie's concern earlier in the week when she discovered that we were out of Holy Water and ran up to me and said: "Mommy, Daddy needs to go to the store and get Holy Water!!!! in a panicked tone. I told her we don't buy Holy Water at the store, Daddy could just go next door to the chapel and bring some back, but she still raced out and told him in an equally alarmed tone that he needed to go buy some at the store, in a tone that indicated that it needed to be done right away.

Our Holy Water fonts are a pretty new addition to our home and Sadie seems to think that they're absolutely wonderful.

I first thought of ordering the fonts when Sadie began having her nightmares. They stretched on, nightly, for months and the subject was always the same... the "new baby," and specifically, as far as I could tell that the new baby wasn't with "mommy." We talked about the new baby being in heaven with Jesus and Mary, we prayed that she would not have any bad dreams, and we'd tried ignoring the subject, but nothing was working. I remembered reading somewhere that some families would have the father bless the children with Holy Water before bed and many of the people in the comments section of that particular article, that I can only vaguely remember, had said they did the same thing with their children and that nightmares largely disappeared.

So we decided to give it a try. I went through Ebates to the Catholic Company (5% back on anything you order, and since I was buying them anyway... yeah... I'm totally hooked...) and found two that were beautiful. I ordered the Our Lady of Grace font for Sadie's room and I ordered the Holy Family font for our entryway.

The Holy Family font was originally backordered, so the Our Lady of Grace font arrived first, and Sadie was thrilled. I put it on our little home altar to wait until I'd bought strips to hang it, and Sadie war frequently found swiping it off the altar and carrying it carefully around. One day I found her in her room, with the font on a shelf, praying beside it.

Once it was hung and filled with holy water, Paul began blessing each of the girls each night before we said our family rosary at bedtime. Sadie hasn't had a nightmare in over a week. She did wake up and get out of bed the other night to come get me when I was sewing, something that's never happened before. In the past she always woke up screaming in terror. So for her to silently get up, without waking up her baby sister, and walk across the dark room to find me was a big step in a good direction!

The font also means that she loves to run and reach up and dip her fingers in it and make the sign of the cross. She also crossed herself, without prompting, yesterday when we walked in past the chapel on our walk. And of course, she loves to go around making the sign of cross on other people too, afterwards proudly saying: "I blessed you Mommy!"

My heart swells when she says those words and I must admit that I do feel very blessed!

Mae Bae... The Plato Reading Ninja Toddler...

2012-01-26T18:44:00.000-05:00

I can now tell, quite easily, when Sadie is frustrated about something. Because she now looks at me, through gritted teeth and says: "I will never bite you again Momma. I promise. I will never bite you again." And then I know that she's thinking about biting me (and thankfully resisting the urge!)...

Mae Bae has had an interesting day. The scariest part of the day was when she charged across the room and jumped up on the big red leather chair in our living room. She was going so fast that it actually started to tilt backwards. When it tilted she threw herself forward and somersaulted over the back, brushing her head against the table behind the chair as she continued to roll, while somehow managing to spin around and land, in a sitting position on the ground to the side of the table and the chair, completely uninjured. She did look somewhat surprised. I was so panicked (because I was thinking "how can she not be hurt?!?!?!) that when I raced over, my finger poked her eye as I scrambled to scoop her up... which did result in a few moments of tears.

This may be Mae Bae's first lesson that Mommy is clumsy, particularly when in a panicked is-the-baby-hurt??? mode. I'm not sure where she inherited her toddler ninja skills, since Daddy shares the same clumsy gene.

Mae Bae has been doing something else that Paul and I both think is kind of funny. There's a book of Plato over on one of the bookshelves that Mae Bae is in love with. Some kids have blankies. Some have stuffed animals. Mae has Plato. She carries it around the house with her. There's an empty cupboard in the kitchen that she loves to climb into and she'll go in the cupboard, with the book, and close the door and sit in the closed cupboard with it. Sometimes she pages through it. Sometimes she just holds it or carries it around the house. Today she cried hysterically when it was time to go on our walk, and she actually convinced Paul to let her take it with us. She sat and looked at the pages for part of the walk, and then hugged it to her chest for the remainder. It's the strangest "lovey" I've ever seen!

Daily Dose of Cuteness: Mae Bae's Smile!

2012-01-26T08:09:00.003-05:00

"Momma. I promise. I will never..."

2012-01-25T12:00:00.000-05:00

The first words I heard this morning when I woke up were: "Momma. I promise. I will never bite you again."

Someone's been feeling pretty badly about an incident when we were leaving the park yesterday, and after two days and well over a dozen freely volunteered apologies, I doubt she will ever bite anyone ever again.

We'd gone through a biting phase that lasted a terrible six months from 2 to 2 1/2, but after more than a year without biting I was rather surprised when, mid tantrum about leaving the park and ending our play date, she reached over and bit my arm. Hard (although thankfully not hard enough to break the skin this time... I do still have a scar from one of those year old bites!). There was yelling.

After about a minute calming down in her stroller I went over and showed her the teeth marks and explained that when she got mad and bit me, it really hurt. She went from outraged at the injustice of leaving the park to very quiet. "I meant to bite this right here Momma." She pointed to the stroller.

I paused for a moment. Do we begin to learn about lying now? Sadie's a pretty honest little kid. She's wonderful at pretending and imagining, but she doesn't usually tell outright lies to get out of trouble. I decided to cut that tendency off immediately.

"No you didn't mean to bite the stroller Sadie. That's a lie. And lies make God sad. You need to tell him you're sorry."

"I'm sorry God." The words were tearful. "I'm sorry Momma. I'm sorry for biting your arm!!!!" Tears.

I told her that it was okay and that I loved her and we headed home. After we got home and Daddy came home from class she told him what happened (and then I repeated it because she could hardly be understood) and I thought it would probably drop... But periodically throughout the day:

"I'm sorry Momma! I'm sorry I bit your arm." And then I'd tell her not to worry about it. It was over. I love her no matter what, even if she did bite my arm again. And that was when the new apology began with the promise that she had no biting plans in the future.

I think we may now really be past the biting phase with her. And oh how I hope Mae doesn't go through the same thing, when she turns 2! Now to get Sadie distracted so she stops worrying... Sometimes accepting that we've been forgiven something is the hardest part. Thankfully a three year old is easily distracted.

Of Pie and Palestrina

2012-01-25T07:51:00.004-05:00

I just had to write a quick post pointing you all towards a great new blog. Katherine is writing "Of Pie and Palestrina" and it's definitely worth following! I've been meaning to write a longer post, talking about all the great blogs I've been stumbling across lately, but I always end up sewing or writing about something else at the last moment, and so until I get organized enough to actually make a list, it's probably best that I just share as I go along!

Her latest post talks about the modern relevancy of a great play, and shows that the terrible choice our government is asking religious men and women to make in the coming year, in violation of their consciences, is nothing new. It's the play that inspired one of my shops' names and a play that Paul was assigned to read and that then watch during orientation (the movie version) before class began this year.

Katherine's Life List post is another favorite of mine (I think I could have written it!)!

So I'd definitely recommend checking it out!

Snow White (x2)!

2012-01-25T07:36:00.003-05:00

I think everyone guessed correctly on the new sewing project! A Snow White Dress (two actually... since I know better to make just one of anything these days!).

Sadie is actually the one who is constantly trying to convince me to let her watch Snow White when Mae takes a nap. Mae likes the princess, but thinks the movie is scary. Sadie laughs through the movie like she's watching the funniest comedy ever.

Now I just have to figure out whether or not to sew a collar... and if I do sew it... how to sew it!

This dress is definitely going to be a challenge!

Woohoo!

2012-01-25T06:05:00.000-05:00

The girls were so excited about the playoff game this weekend. They love to watch Paul cheer for New England almost as much as they loved playing with their bouncy balls (and an orange) while the game was on. Sadie kept trying to convince Paul that the game was going so well that she needed to be tossed in the air.

I couldn't find Mae's Bruschi jersey, and so I found a tank top that she barely fit into and a pair of pants that almost matched. Sadie on the other hand, was determined to squeeze into her cheerleader outfit. I think this year will be the last time she can wear it. She barely got it on. It's a 4 and while she can wear a 5, she's easily fitting into 6-6xs now. It's almost Mae Bae's turn to wear it (Mae's a 3T)!

The camera has a hard time catching Mae Bae when she's moving at top speed:

The good thing about this picture is you can't tell quite how small the top is! She's just so tall that it doesn't really cover her tummy anymore! I had to search for this picture! And like her little sister, she's too fast for my camera's regular setting!

After quite a while playing ball they settled down to watch the game with Momma. We were hoping Daddy's team was going to play Grumpa's team in the Super Bowl, but that was not to be... On to the big game!!!

The Newest Sewing Project

2012-01-24T21:01:00.005-05:00

Care to guess what Sadie's finally convinced me to sew...

There will be two of them. Here we are picking out fabric colors (I gave her a choice between to reds... the $3 a yard red and the $20+ a yard red... can you guess which one she picked? I was hoping she'd pick the $3 satin over the $20 dupioni silk... but she apparently has expensive taste... thankfully the project only requires a tiny bit of red!).

Hint on the original question: She's thought Mae Bae has needed this for a while...

A Random Picture Filled Post!

2012-01-24T20:54:00.002-05:00

This post may end up being rather random.

I am supposed to be sewing right now... but a late night migraine has struck. It's not that bad (medicated), and I'm still pretty excited about my new week/migraine ratio since I've been watching what I eat. It's nice to have figured something out. We now know that there's something in candy and soda that triggers migraines for me. It doesn't take very much. I know that it's not sugar... because I could bake a ton of sugary treats and eat a ton of chocolate (not good for my diet) and be fine. But a soda and a handful of skittles and insta-migraine. The problem for me was that I usually kept a coke on hand because caffeine used to help my migraines... but that proved to be not good at all since now coke seems to be a big, big trigger.

The good news it that, since testing this theory out, I've gone from 3-4 migraines a week to right around 1 migraine a week. And a decrease like that has me pretty happy right now. I don't think they'll ever be completely gone, because they definitely seem to also be tied to my hormones, but this is a step in the right direction.

Anyways... Sadie is really into having her picture taken now. And posing. So here are a few of my favorites, with a running commentary:

A lot of twirling goes on around here. Mae Bae twirls now too. Life is a swirl of pink satin in our home.

Mae Bae is holding her favorite toy in this picture: it's a pink cooking mitt that I got in the dollar section of Target a few years ago. She loves it and constantly wants me to wear it, and then pretend that it's a monster that's chasing her.

Just don't call those pigtails "pigtails." They're "two ponytails." Sigh.

A Mae Bae smile.

Another picture of Mae Bae with her oven mitt, which has somehow earned the nickname "Gillywompus."

This is around the point where she started saying: "Take my picture Momma! Take my picture!" And then running over in between shots to look at them on my camera.

I'm not really sure where she got all her little poses from! She kept trying to look serious!

And then Daddy got home with a pizza! Mae Bae loves pizza.

Maybe she was missing Gillywompus?

Daddy saves the day!

Living for Him

2012-01-23T22:13:00.001-05:00

Over the centuries, various scriptural "interpretations" have been born, sometimes twisting the meaning of scripture so that it seems to contradict itself, when no such contradiction exists. Take these verses from Matthew, chapters 5 and 6:

"Be careful not to parade your uprightness in public to attract attention; otherwise you will lose all reward from your Father in heaven... And when you pray, do not imitate the hypocrites: they love to say their prayers standing up in the synagogues and at the street corners for people to see them. In truth I tell you, they have had their reward."

Matthew 6:1-5

"Blessed are you when people abuse you and persecute you and speak all kinds of calumny against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven; this is how they persecuted the prophets before you.'You are salt for the earth. But if salt loses its taste, what can make it salty again? It is good for nothing, and can only be thrown out to be trampled under people's feet. 'You are light for the world. A city built on a hill-top cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp to put it under a tub; they put it on the lamp-stand where it shines for everyone in the house. In the same way your light must shine in people's sight, so that, seeing your good works, they may give praise to your Father in heaven.'Do not imagine that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets. I have come not to abolish but to complete them. In truth I tell you, till heaven and earth disappear, not one dot, not one little stroke, is to disappear from the Law until all its purpose is achieved."

Matthew 5:11-18

Some would take the first verse and use it to tell others to hide their faith. They become bullies, intent on enforcing the status quo, whatever it may be. Any deviation from their standard must be stamped out.

Over the years I've heard from many women who are afraid to cover their heads for Mass, despite a strong longing in their hearts to show their respect for the most blessed sacrament in this way, because they don't want people to think that they're "holier than thou." And so they suppress the quiet urging that they feel. Some overcome the disapproval (it took me about a year of worrying what other people would think before I finally began to wear the veil that I'd felt drawn to and that I desperately wanted to wear in the presence of the Eucharist, before I actually did it).

After all, attracting attention is apparently to be avoided at all costs, even if we're following a gentle pull on our heart to a certain devotion, or to live in a certain way that might seem odd to others. Yet we know that we're supposed to be in this world and not of this world. Can we really expect to blend in if we follow this command? Jesus tells us that we're going to be hated for his sake. That generally doesn't happen when we're the embodiment of the status quo, after all the world loves its own.

It does happen when our lives or actions or words cause people to question something about themselves. It happens when we somehow threaten some safe assumption that someone else doesn't want to think twice about, because questioning it might lead to a change and let's face it, it's easier to be who we've always been. In these cases that first verse becomes a fall back response. "Don't be a hypocrite. You're just putting on a show."

I was trying to remember tonight where I'd recently read that particular verse, used in that very way, and I finally stumbled across it. That verse was being flung around by David Silverman, in regard to Tim Tebow and his very public faith. "Bad Catholic" gave a great explanation:

Silverman: “It is not surprising Tebow ignores Matthew 6:5 in which Jesus says, ‘When you pray, do not pray like the hypocrites in the street…They pray to be seen praying. Pray in the closet.” Right, that’s what Christ said. Pray in the closet.

Not to be all Catholic, but stop with your fundamentalist interpretations of Scripture. Why was Christ angry at the hypocrites for praying in the streets? Was it because public prayer is inherently wrong? No, because there’s that whole “Let your light shine before all men” bit that needs taking into account. The key word here is hypocrites. The problem isn’t that they’re praying in the street, it’s that they’re only praying in the street. The problem is that everyone liked them for praying in the streets, that everyone thought they were holy for doing so.

You see, despite the fairly consistent twisting of Matthew 6, Matthew 5 makes it abundantly clear that we're not supposed to hide our faith. We aren't supposed to put on an empty show either. God made us. He knows us. He knows our hearts and what he wants from us is so simple, that a young child can understand it easily.

He wants us to love him. He wants us live for him.

Living for him isn't going to look like living for the world. And it isn't going to look the same from person to person. He made each of us differently, with a variety of strengths and talents that he will use to transform our world, if we strive to serve him.

We could put a basket over our little shining light, hiding our precious fledgling, stumbling faith. Or we can pick ourselves up, over and over again, trying to keep our eyes on what really matters: God.

It's our choice... our only choice really... at least it's the only one that matters at all... And what will our answer be? Will we tell God yes or no? We decide daily, over and over again: will we serve him? Or will we turn away? Our "yes" changes everything. It has to.

As a side note: I will be moderating and deleting obnoxious comments. There's a difference between discussion and repeated insults and certain readers have cross the line. I will no longer be publishing or responding to your comments. I will continue to remember you in my prayers.

"My Babies are Getting Away from Me!!!"

2012-01-23T13:17:00.002-05:00

She came up with this... all on her own... this morning. Then she started chasing three bouncy balls around the house while saying: "Oh no! My babies are getting away from me!"

A Prayer Request for An Anonymous Reader

2012-01-22T20:05:00.001-05:00

"Most Catholic families do not have children dressing as nuns, or as Britney Spears, but rather as normal kids. Most Catholic mothers do not wear headcoverings, to Mass, or ever. Most Catholic husbands would be embarrassed to have their wife go out in public dressed in such outlandish accessories. Most Catholic children are not homeschooled. Most Catholic women wear a variety of clothing, including pants and shorts. Most Catholic mothers do not wish to turn their uteri into assembly lines. Moderation, my dear!"

-Anonymous

Prayers Anonymous. And I'd like to ask all of you to pray for this reader with me. It seems that there is a great deal of judgment and anger in these words, that are brimming over on the rest of us.

What more can I say? After all, if the last few months have offered me nothing else they have at least given me a bit of perspective, and comments on the internet are just that. You are just saying what I'm sure other people, who have not been able to muster the charity to be polite, have thought.

May God Bless you and open your heart to all the ways in which we may worship Him. And may you realize that perhaps there might be more to Jesus' command to be in this world and not of it, than you've previously thought.

I must seem very odd to you. I most certainly anger you, if your words are any indicator, and for that I am sorry. Oh you do not know how sorry I am when I read your words. Yet I am grateful for a husband who loves me and supports me and leads our family towards God. I pray that you do the same for those you love, and that you perhaps a little bit kinder to those who you so strongly disapprove of.

I will remember you in my prayers. And perhaps you can muster the charity to remember the rest of us in your prayers as well. I find that praying disperses anger.

Now I have some snoods to sew. For all of those "odd" women that feel the same "odd" tug on their hearts that I do.

And Thomist. Try to be nice. Please.

The "Extreme"

2012-01-22T18:31:00.001-05:00

It's raining Anonymous comments these days. Here's today's winner:

"Tell me your little girl is not dressed up as a nun. For Heaven's sake... Must everything be done to the very extreme?"

I have a feeling this is a drive-by comment and that the writer will never see my response and yet I can't help but answer. After all I've met with this misconception before... and it couldn't be stomped out soon enough for my liking.

Where to begin... Let's see... I could just link back to my past writings on this topic... after all, sometimes it seems like it's been covered ad nauseum. But instead, I'll start anew today:

Hi Anonymous-

Welcome to my blog. I can tell you're not a regular reader, because if you were, you'd probably remember that my two and a half year old began a campaign for a "Holy Baby" birthday party last spring, which developed into one request for a birthday present (that would be from the "Holy Baby" rosary DVDs... although you might think that's extreme too? DVDs about the rosary? The child should be watching Elmo! What are parents thinking these days?!?!).

I know it may be hard for you to imagine, because it surprised me a bit, but there was only one thing that her little heart desired and she let us know loud and clear: A "Holy Baby" dress. She lobbied for it. She brought it up frequently. She begged and pleaded. I suggested Tangled and Dora. After all, Tangled and Dora would have been a lot less work. But she was adamant.

And so, when it was clear that that was what she really wanted, and that it wasn't some passing phase, I got to work. I sewed and sewed. I found a few Nun accessories and took a print out of her favorite nun doll in to the bakery and explained that she'd been begging for a Holy Baby cake.

The day rolled along, blazing hot like many June days in Northern California, but despite the heat she tore open the present and insisted on putting it on immediately, so she could wear it for her party.

I guess my family might seem a little "extreme" to you, if you're disturbed by a photo of a child with her hand's folded in a nun's costume. Let's see... We do pray the rosary together every night. And we go to Mass on Sunday's. My children have probably been to confession (accompanying me or my husband) more times than many Catholic adults. We pray before meals. And they frequently tackle me when I'm praying the Divine Office.

And you'd never guess what she's already asked for, for this year's birthday present: this snood. I asked her if she was sure. I suggested something in pink. She's brought it up for a couple of weeks though, a sure sign that she won't be changing her mind any time soon. And so daily I will be hearing: "Mommy, for my birthday... I want a black and white snood!" for the next five months.

Today at Mass she grinned from ear to ear when she saw a nun come down from the choir loft to receive communion.

While we read about the saint's and her little children's Bible, and pray together, I am still surprised when she tells me that she wants to be a nun. I'll admit that I've pointed out nuns when we see them, because of her love for her doll, but her fervent wish began and continues of her own accord. Just as her own sweet whispered prayers come from her own two lips, so this wish is her own.

Who knows if it will last? I pray only that she finds the vocation that God is calling her towards. So that she may serve in whatever way that she will be called to serve. For now she seems to understand what she's supposed to be doing well enough. She loves God. She prays to him. She talks about Mary like she's a family member that comes by the house every day. She asks questions and absorbs the answers like a sponge.

Maybe what our world needs is a little more of this type of joyous love. You call it "extreme," giving it a negative connotation. I think passion is a much better word for it. And I think that if we had more of this faith, like little children, and the love that pours forth from it, we might all be much, much better off.

And maybe, just maybe, you should pause and wonder what it is about the sight of a cute, happy child with her hands folded in prayer, that brought about your reaction.

I pray passionately that all my children will be given the same gift of faith that my oldest has.... and that we all may be granted it. I pray that it lasts a lifetime, even if that means that more than once they will be certainly called "extreme."

After all, there is only one tragedy in this life... not to become a saint. And it seems to me that more often that not, the path to sainthood looks "extreme" to those looking on. So let us love God passionately, like little children and pray that we too can become like these little ones, who rejoice in their Savior and love him with their whole hearts.

"To Love Him"

2012-01-22T07:23:00.004-05:00

Me: "Who made you?"

Sadie: "God! God made me!"

Me: "Why did God make you?"

Sadie: "To live...."

Me: "And?"

Sadie: "To love mmmm... and to live in a town!"

We've been reading here Catholic Children's Treasury and the answer we were going for was "to love him" from the little Therese story she wants to read constantly. She loves reading those books! And they're causing her to ask so many wonderful questions!

And the Diagnosis is...

2012-01-21T09:07:00.001-05:00

...something like Lactational Amenorrhea... but with anovulatory cycles, instead of an absence of cycles altogether.

Amelia (who has some great recipe's you might be interested on her Gluten free blog) made that suggestion yesterday and when I went in and began talking with my doctor she agreed that she believes that this is exactly what is going on.

Basically because I was 14 weeks along when I miscarried and then had another 11 weeks of retained "debris" with positive pregnancy tests, my body has something like 25 weeks of pregnancy hormones. When I'm pregnant my milk supply does dip dramatically, after the D&C I did notice that it went back to normal (toddler normal, so nothing dramatic, but there was a definite increase). So... it look like this means that my body think that I'm nursing a newborn right now (or is just really confused about what's going on) and we've gone into anovulatory cycles as a result (maybe because the toddler doesn't nurse enough to completely stop everything?).

It will be kind of interesting to see how long this lasts since we don't even come close to meeting any of the criteria for ecological breastfeeding (obviously) at this point. She nurses 1-2 times a day, in the morning and sometimes at night. She still sleeps with a pacifier in a crib (this could be it's own post... we co-slept with Sadie... I expected to co-sleep with Mae. Mae was not having it. Mae needs her space. And she needs a lot of it.). In the past nursing has meant exactly 6 months of non-fertile time. We are planning to wean in... around 6 months... although I'd imagine it won't last that long with the serious lack of nursing time. I wouldn't think nursing 20 minutes a day would prevent ovulation for too long.

My poor General Practioner. I like her a lot, but I know my teariness on the subject makes her uncomfortable! She's a very stoic woman with a strong Eastern European accent. She asked me when my OB had said we were okay to try again and I told her that I'd been to sooner is better. Her response was that that put a lot of pressure on me, but that the cardiology report says that I'm as "healthy as a horse" and that she think the biggest problem is (surprise, surprise) anxiety from the whole experience. She said she'd really like to prescribe me Xanax, but that that wouldn't be a good idea since my cycles might restart at any time.

Anyways, some time in the midst of this conversation I burst into tears and started sobbing hysterically (talk of the miscarriage in person does this to me... this likely confirmed her thoughts on the whole "anxiety about the miscarriage" thing). I would have laughed when she said "You American women and crying..." if I hadn't been crying.

I am glad we found her, because she actually seems to have a firm grasp on how women's bodies work and that we can actually know things about them and our cycles. When I said I've had two anovulatory cycles she didn't say: "How can you possibly know that?" She just nodded and made a note of it. That's refreshing and I do feel blessed to have an OB and a GP that both understand how women's bodies work!

I am still getting blood work to check my thyroid, but she seems to think that everything, include the resting heart rate of 100-ish, is the result of stress from the miscarriage.

And so I guess now we wait and see. At least she seemed to think that this should be very temporary.

I am ready to skip the next... oh... four or so weeks... talk about anxiety.. I'm really dreading February 7th (the due date). I'd like to fast forward past it... a couple of weeks. I will just have to make sure we stay really, really busy that day...

Trophies.

2012-01-20T18:34:00.002-05:00

It has been an interesting day. The conversation has continued to unfold in the combox. It's been said now that, not only is my house small and dirty and my husband unemployed (full time law student for first time visitors), but also that I'm acting as if children are trophies. I mean, isn't it obvious to all of you, that I want kids so that everyone can clammer around and say: "Look at all your little ones! They're so lovely!!!"

Ummm.... I'm not sure what sort of fantasy land I would have to live in to believe that, but I can tell you that it's neither California or Florida.

When I became pregnant with Christian, our little saint, pretty much every response we received was negative. I dreaded going to the store or the bank, because I knew there would be some snide, rude comment, along with equally offensive sympathy. "Oh you poor thing. Pregnant again. Is you're husband going to get fixed now?" or "Hoping for a boy this time so you can be done? Are you going to keep trying if it's ANOTHER girl..." Usually the word girl would have the intonation that might make one think that a girl child would be equal to some sort of reptile or amphibian. And really I might scream if I ever hear "Was this one planned?"

So I don't know about you, but I didn't think that with my next pregnancy people were suddenly going to start talking about how great I was and how wonderful it was that we were open to God's will in our lives.

To be clear (in case I haven't been at some point or I've been somehow unclear in my earlier paragraphs) I do not think of my children as "trophies." In fact, the idea is entirely foreign in our house. It's true that they are the greatest blessings that we've received and that we cherish them and the great task we've been given to raise them to know and love God. But to look at them like they're some sort of status symbol? I'm sorry, but the implication is insulting.

I'm not sure where all of these ideas about my life came from. I do wonder if maybe the anonymous author knows someone who you believe has acted in that way, and is now projecting her experience (real or imagined) with them on my life. I don't know. Frankly, I don't even really want to know at this point, because I'm quite certain that any clarification would be accompanied by another backhanded insult, like the last three. I don't expect that to change if there's a fourth.

Anonymous did have some good points mixed in with the rest. But sometimes good points get lost when they're accompanied by rudeness. You wouldn't walk into someone's house and say: "Hey you look fat. And your hair is frizzy. I hate that dress. But guess what. You should listen to me. Because I have some great advice about how you can make your life better!" The person would be so upset there's no way they'd listen to your point, even if it was the greatest idea in the world.

We teach our children to be kind. We teach them manners. We need to abide by the same rules, even when we're posting as an anonymous user on the internet. We shouldn't leave charity at the door when we log on to internet explorer.

A Reason to Avoid? A Combox Rant

2012-01-20T10:52:00.004-05:00

Oh it was bound to happen. I share something personal on my blog, something I'm almost hesitant about posting, because it is so personal, but that I post anyways, because I knew that some of you would have wonderful advice and would have dealt with similar problems and someone who doesn't feel quite brave enough to sign there name feels the need to chime in:

AnonymousJan 20, 2012 07:00 AMMaybe your body and your family are not ready to have another child. Your girls are still very, very young. YOU are still very young. Your husband is in school full-time and unemployed. It sounds like you're financially not in the best place. Your home is very small and you're having a hard time keeping up with the housework. You're not near any family. You've had some really serious, scary health problems lately. You've suffered the loss of a pregnancy. You've had multiple Cesareans. Do you even have health insurance? Your family has dealt with a lot of change and upheaval lately. Be patient. There are no medals given, on Earth or in Heaven, for having children as quickly as possible or having the largest family. Remember, Mary herself was the mother of only one! It sounds like there are a lot of good reasons God is asking you to wait and trust that your body will tell you when the time is right. My prayers are with you

You're comment doesn't really deserve an answer. And yet I'm going to give you one:

Our family is ready to welcome the child that should have been born two weeks from now, and is ready to welcome another child. My girls are not so young that the spacing would even be particularly burdensome. We would have more than a two year gap, which biologically is pretty ideal.

I have three businesses and have been quite busy lately, with the orders for the month exceeding the days. I am supporting my family. My husband will be graduating with two advanced degrees, ready to work. My home is now 1500 square feet, which is more than enough room for another child, or three. The ridiculous sizes of houses in the United States and our quest to fill them with "things" shouldn't indicate family size.

Moving on to your next "point" you said, I "have a hard time keeping up with the housework?" Really? Where'd that come? Have you been over when I was out? I think my house is beautiful, and in order, with the exception of the toys in the living room that the girls, you know, play with, during the day. Is that what you're thinking of? Toys in the background of my pictures? Gasp! I must be a horrible housekeeper! I let the children have TOYS out!!!! Toys!!! Oh and fabric! Sometimes there is a pile of fabric waiting to be pinned and sewn! What a horrible housekeeper I must be!!!!

I am near my family. They live in my home with me. Is it nice to have extended family around to help? It's wonderful. But is it necessary? Absolutely not.

I'm trying to get my health problems in order. That is what I was sharing on the last post. But maybe I should "wait and trust my body?" If I'd waited and trusted my body earlier when I thought something was wrong, my two "very, very young" children might be without a mother.

So no, I think I'll investigate when instinct tells me that something may be wrong, even if that something is preventing ovulation, which you seem to think would be preferable. In fact my own OB said that it would actually be better for me to become pregnant as soon as possible at my last appointment. Her exact words were: "Do not wait." She repeated it three times during the appointment.

But I'm sure you know a lot more than she does about me, having browsed some things I've chosen to share on the internet over the years.

If you'd read the previous post you would know that I have insurance.

Life is upheaval and change in varying degrees. If we sit around and wait until everything is perfect, the day will most certainly never come. I'm not looking for medals, or recognition. But would I like my body to be healthy and healed and able to be blessed with life? Absolutely.

Thankfully, you aren't the one discerning my reasons. Thankfully my family is, and has not discerned a reason to wait. I'm glad you think you know me so well and I will do my best to appreciate your prayers without feeling the bitterness of your well meaning judgment.

I've probably already made it clear that I think people are too willing to use every tiny discomfort in life to find a reason to "avoid." I'm sure I have a dozen reasons plenty of people would find sufficient to justify "avoiding." But they wouldn't be just for our family. Because we know what we can handle and we prayerfully consider where God is leading us. You see, you can't discern for someone else, as much as you'd like to with your comment and analysis.

I'd be thankful if you wouldn't try to force that standard on others who are willing to fall the Churches call to generosity. If you judge us by the world's standards we'll come up lacking. You've been quick to point out all that we don't have. But I think you're missing out on what we do have: a loving, prayerful family that has the time and ability to care for another life, if God so chooses to bless us. May His will be done. I submit to it. But that doesn't mean that I can't long for another brother or sister for my girls.

Prayers for you too Anonymous. Prayers that you know a little less and trust a little more.

The Answer to Yesterday's "Hazard a Guess?" post...

2012-01-20T08:08:00.000-05:00

Most of you had an idea what I was holding in yesterdays "Hazard a Guess?" post. I ended up holding back most of the responses (and publishing them this morning) after the first ten minutes because they were so overwhelmingly right, which makes me imagine than more than one of you would understand the acronym: POAS (which was actually the hint I gave along with the post on my facebook page).

First I'll clarify one thing: I was not announcing that I have cancer (I'm guessing that answer was because of the snood? If you'd like to read about headcovering, click here). If I did have a horrible announcement of that sort it certainly wouldn't be in a picture with a smile, with my husband sneaking in and flexing. But I digress... back to the original post:

The answer to the question is... 100 pregnancy tests.

Yes, 100. I buy them in bulk from Amazon. I usually only order 50 at a time, but since I've gone through 50 since October (that would be about 16 a month? Ugh.) I decided to double this order and hope that I didn't have to order again until summer (or better yet, for like 2 years). And as I mentioned, I'm really hoping that I'll be giving away at least half, if not like 99 of them (which would be the dream). 50 tests are $9.41. I bought two packs (and the book Saint Catherine of Sienna by Sigrid Undset, which I've been wanting to order for months) to get the free Super Saver Shipping.

I have a pack of the blue ovulation tests too, but they just depress me, originally because they were hard to understand (the bottom line has to be darker than the top line, not just "there" like a pregnancy test for them to be "positive") and then later because they're blank all. the. time. Completely blank. Like not a drop of luteinizing hormone showing up. Ever.

I should really be thrilled about the LH tests (not the blank part) because the package I ordered before my D&C did really speed things along (if anything that happened during the entire experience could have been called "speedy").

You see I'd wondered if, through everything that was going on, I could be ovulating, so I took the test and it came back positive. The next day I took another, because I'd found out about the whole "tests have to be super dark to be counted as positive" thing and wasn't sure if it had been dark enough. This time the bottom strip was definitely darker than the top. For some reason (this is where my addiction to taking tests comes in handy) I took another one the next day. Still positive. For a couple weeks it was positive.

I knew that was not how LH tests were supposed to work. Which is what took me back to retaking a pregnancy test (I'd had 1 negative and thought I was done) and finding out it was still positive (everyday for weeks while I tried to find a doctor who would listen), which was the giant red flag (okay, first I was excited and thought maybe I was pregnant).

As we all know I wasn't and along with everything else that happened, it led to finding an NFP OB, who immediately did the right tests, found the problem and ordered a D&C. I think knowing that LH tests can come back positive if your pregnant is very good to know!

But back to the pregnancy tests (and the reason for giant quantity).

These past two months I've learned the meaning of the word "anovulatory." It's not a fun word. It had me on the verge of tears sometimes. This month looks anovulatory, and when I actually thought back on last month, I'm pretty sure it was too. Blank LH tests and about 10 days of my body "trying" to ovulate (I'll avoid being too graphic with too many details).

This means super long cycles and lots of time to test because the amount of time from when I "might" have ovulated is so far from when the next cycle starts. And basically what it means, if you've never had it happen, is that from your bodies signals you think you've ovulated. And then it signals (think Creighton method) that you've ovulated again. And again. And again. If you've had an anovulatory cycle you know what's happening. If you don't you spend a month baffled, wondering if you're body released 10 eggs, until you talk to a friend whose taken the Creighton class and explains what's going on and tries to calm your near hysterics (thank goodness for Martha!).

For those of you who've gone through this for any extended period of time: I am so, so sorry. It makes me a little crazy and it's only been two months.

I do wonder if it's linked to the Prometrium, because I did find various sites where women who'd taken it had an anovulatory cycle the next month. But no one mentioned two (which had me right back in panic mode after briefly calming down) and there was a doctor who wrote in saying that it absolutely does not affect ovulation.

I am going back to my general practitioner today for the follow up to my cardiologist visit (my heart is 100% okay, with the exception of a resting heart-rate the went between 97-120 during the visit, which could point to a thyroid problem, but is within the range of "normal"). So I'm hoping I can convince her to refer me to my own OB, so that our insurance will cover the visit. I'm a little worried, because any time I mention knowing anything about my cycle, the doctors I've gone to usually look at me like I'm insane, for example a response of: "How could you possibly know when you ovulated?!?!?!" in an annoyed tone.

And that, in one rather long post, is what's been going on. I know I'm stressing out way more than I should and that I just need to relax (and I didn't even write the post I'd intended to write, which is about how much I hate buying pregnancy tests in stores, where the clerk more often than not acts like they feel sooooooo sorry for me... and it wasn't even the other post I intended to write about my lack of formal NFP training...). But relaxing is easier said than done! I doubt I'll get any answers today, but hopefully I can get a referral that sends us in the right direction (to my NaPro/NFP OB!).

Because frankly, I'm really ready to host that giveaway. I don't think I've ever been more excited about the idea.

Hazard a Guess?

2012-01-19T15:12:00.001-05:00

A order arrived from Amazon today. I've been thinking of doing a post about the item I'm holding... but first I thought I'd see if anyone could tell what it was I'm holding (or wanted to hazard a guess).

I'll give you one clue. There's 100 of them.

100. Because I tend to obsess.

But I will make you guys a deal. If it works out and I don't have to use many of these, I'll do a giveaway with the remainders. I have no reason to think I will be doing that anytime soon, and plenty of reasons to think I won't, but a girl can dream, can't she?

And in my dream world I'll be giving away most of them.

It took me a few tries to get a picture because someone kept butting in.

And for those who don't figure it out, I will do another post, tomorrow!

Another Great Response to "Why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus"

2012-01-19T11:52:00.001-05:00

A couple of days ago I posted about the responses to the "Why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus" video that's been making the rounds. This morning I saw another response on Aggie Catholics and I just had to share. I have to say I've been pretty amazed by many of the responses that have come as a result of the first video. This one is definitely worth taking a few minutes to watch:

My Bacon Cheddar Onion Spread

2012-01-19T07:29:00.003-05:00

Those of you who saw my blog facebook status update, may already suspect that we eat a little bit too much bacon in this house. It's not usually in large amounts (or so I tell myself), but I can't seem to resist it sprinkled on split pea soup, or potato soup (and okay, to be totally honest, my "sprinkles" likely would be what some people would call "large amounts."). For those of you who missed the status update, I'll share it again:

Yesterday Sadie and I were singing the itsy bitsy spider together when she began changing every single noun in the song to the word "bacon." She finished the first round, smiled sweetly at me and said: "Mommy will you sing the Itsy Bitsy Bacon with me?" And so we began again and she sang:

"The itsy bitsy bacon, went up the baacoooon! Down came the bacon and washed the bacon out! Up came the bacon, and dried up all the..." A dramatic pause with a giggle and smile and then... "bacon! Then the itsy bitsy bacon climbed up the bacon again!"

Yeah. I couldn't make this stuff up. Anyways, this recipe, which I make on special occasions (it would be perfect for the super bowl) is something I came up with one day when I'd baked fresh bread, and wanted a spread to go with it. Sometimes I also add 1 diced regular onion:

2 bars cream cheese

2 tbs garlic powder

2 tbs garlic, diced

¼ cup green onions, chopped

½ cup parmesan cheese

¼ cup mayonnaise

¼ cup sour cream

8 oz cheddar cheese, shredded

1 package bacon, cooked and crumbled

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Place in oven safe dish (or bread bowl:I usually prepare a loaf's worth of dough and bake it in a pie pan to get a round loaf,and then cut out the center to make bowl for this dip!). Bake at 350 for 10 minutes. Enjoy with crackers or bread (it’s great on bagels thenext day too!).

You can adjust the garlic levels as you make it, because I do tend to like things that are very garlic-y!

Finding One's Waist!

2012-01-18T07:52:00.002-05:00

The location of my waist didn’t really matter when I wassixteen (and had the figure of a ten year old boy). Or even twenty (with the same figure). And if you’d asked me where my waist was I likely would have placed my hands just above my hips. After all, we were in the midst of the era of low-rise pants(are we still? I don’t pay enoughattention to know these days) and I had a closet full of jeans that barely (ordidn’t) cover my hip bones. Itwouldn’t have been so bad if the pants had been accompanied with longer thannormal shirts, but at the start of the 2000s you didn’t see much of that and sothere was often a midriff gap that was not easy to pull off if you were above asize 0.

Which brings me to a brief digression: I was watching the news a few nightsago and one of the reporters actually said that in fashion size 6 models arenow considered “plus size models.” I’m not kidding. Just whenyou think that insanity has reached rock bottom, they plunge on by.

But back to my point: I had no idea where my waist was. Pre-babies this wasn’t such a big deal. Post babies it was something that Ineeded to figure out and figure out quickly if I was going to find anythingthat was vaguely flattering. Theproblem was that I didn’t even know that there was a problem. My waist had always been way down past my belly button,where my pants settled, and wasn’t that just where a waist was?

As I fumbled through post-partum dressing I began to figurethings out: little by little, month by month and year by year. Low rise anything, even with a long,tunic that covered everything, was going to make me look like I either had abeer belly or was still pregnant. An empire waisted dress would mean that people were coming up to myhusband at work, a month after I gave birth to Mae, and asking him in a whisperif we were expecting again already.

It was two of the skirts that I bought on clearance forsomething like $4 at Penny’s that pointed me in the right direction. They came up to the point that I wouldlater realize was actually my waist, some inches higher than I’d previouslyrealized, and then flowed out easily. They accented my actual waist, the narrowest point on my torso, and as aresult were more flattering. Itdidn’t matter if the muscles in my stomach, after two nine plus pound babies,were not what they once had been, because they were camouflaged by my skirt,rather than problematically drawing attention to a waist that was eithertoo high or too low and therefore disproportional.

The various trends of the moment, usually don’t fit toflatter this little secret. But Ihave found one secret that helps some dresses that would otherwise not make thecut. A wide black belt that Irecently found at Target after my other belt finally kicked the bucket and wasno longer useable. It feltexpensive buying it with a gift card I’d gotten for Christmas, and I foundmyself saying $16 for a belt?!?!?! but I new I needed to replace the one I had,and this one was stretchy and pretty and I had a feeling it would work. It looks a bit like this.

It's been a great addition to my closet and has revived a few outfits I didn't like wearing with my old, narrow belt. Because it’s stretchy it slides perfectly to actual “waist”level and stays in place. It givessome of my stretchy-knit is-she-or-isn’t-she-pregnant (like now when I’ not)dresses enough definition to wear without getting comments about where I’mgoing to put #3 when I take the girls on walks in the red wagon (it’s happenedsince we’ve been here).

And that is what I wish I’d known a bit earlier when I wassearching for a flattering fit. The fashion world doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to make clothes that areabsolutely wearable for women who’ve gone through puberty, so these tricks aregood to know!

Do you have any fashion secrets you’d like to share? If you do I’m all ears!

The Best of the "Why I Hate Religion, but Love Jesus" Responses

2012-01-17T22:30:00.001-05:00

I finally broke down and watched the "Why I Hate Religion, but Love Jesus" video this weekend, after seeing this post by Melody and thinking that if I was going to watch the responses to the video, I should probably watch the video itself too. Since something in me dislikes linking directly to the video, I'll link to this article by Jimmy Akin, which includes the video, along with an explanation about what's so wrong with it.

The original video was exactly what I expected it to be.

The responses I've been watching however, have been extra-ordinary and have exceeded every expectation I had. And if you have any favorites that aren't here, please add them below! It's bedtime here or I'd still be searching through all the videos that that first misguided piece inspired.

Edited 1/19/12 to add: Another great video response has been posted!

7 Lies About Homeschoolers

2012-01-17T11:53:00.001-05:00

My Tuesday Morning Primary Rant

2012-01-17T07:05:00.001-05:00

I didn't watch the debate last night. At this point I'm too depressed by the idea that Romney is likely going to be the Republican nominee.

I'm sick of the endorsements and commercials that tell us that Romney has the "best chance of beating Obama." Seriously? I feel like we're being told: "This is as good as it gets. You might as well settle." It's like telling a woman that she needs to marry some loser because she's probably not going to get a better offer.

And when has settling ever been a good thing?

I agree with Huntsman's earlier statement that Romney is reminiscent of a well greased weather vein, that I heard quoted yesterday. He goes whatever way the wind blows to get elected. I believe he would say whatever it takes to get elected.

I don't believe for a second that he would fight for the unborn if it wasn't convenient of the trend of the moment.

I've seen too many politicians that were solidly "pro life" sell the unborn down the river over the years to trust a guy with a record like this:

I hate that there's a good chance I'm going to have to vote for this guy in November. Because will I vote for him over Mr. A-Baby-Born-Alive-Should-Be-Put-In-A-Closet-To-Die. You bet.

I'll admit that every time I see him ahead in the polls I want to yell at the TV "Why?!?!?!"

You all know I'm for Santorum. But really anyone who's on that stage would be better that "settling" for this guy because he "might" win.

Evil and Abortion. The Story of One Clinic.

2012-01-17T06:42:00.000-05:00

As Catholics we know that there's a war going on between good and evil and that we are the Church Militant, here on earth, battling for our souls. Very rarely do we see things that are so clearly evil that there's really no other explanation for what's going on. The abortion clinic in Rockford was one of those instances. I'd heard stories and seen video clips of the craziness in the past and every time the word "demonic" came to mind. Matt Archbold has a great post on the story, and an ending (at this particular mill at least) that I hadn't heard, but definitely wanted to share.

Sadie's Sewing: Her First Project

2012-01-16T07:15:00.001-05:00

We finally got around to buying batteries for Sadie's sewing machine yesterday. When I opened my embroidery machine she saw it and instantly asked if she could "try it out." A few seconds later I saw her eyes widen as she remembered and said: "Where's my sewing machine!" It had been hiding in my sewing room, because I never seemed to remember to buy the enormous D batteries it takes. So Paul picked some up after Mass and we finally found a screw driver that would open the battery cover and then Sadie was off and sewing. She picked the fabric from a pile of felt that I have (Surprise! She chose pink!) and I helped guide the fabric from the back, while she worked the peddle and guided it from the front.

We did learn that she has a lead foot.

Here's her first completed sewing project. A little felt bag:

She kept trying to wear it like a hat, or use it as a puppet, while avoiding all pictures!

Do now I think we'll be doing a daily sewing lesson while Mae is asleep.

Mae, the climber, also seems determined to sew. She climbed up on the table in the dining room when I was in the kitchen getting ready for lunch and sat next to my sewing machine. Then she found a spool of thread and attempted to put it on the machine (correctly), while fiddling with the hand crank. That climbing incident motivated me to organize my shelf and get all the sewing machines into the bedroom!

The Machines!

2012-01-15T14:40:00.000-05:00

The Aluma Wallet Scam... and Avoiding Telebrands...

2012-01-15T12:22:00.000-05:00

I don't usually get sucked in by infomercials, but occasionally it happens and when it does, it almost always ends badly. I should learn. There was already the debacle when I ordered one of those "lose three size" shapewear sets after Mae was born (I've found shapewear can really help after a c-section at holding the scar in place while it's healing), only to find that the thing was about as effective as a plain piece of cotton, and 10x less comfortable. But today I saw the Aluma Wallet and Paul and I both turned to look at each other, because we're both pretty hard on our wallets. Paul's credit and debit cards are always getting destroyed in his wallet, and my wallet is pretty tattered. And it was a buy one get on free deal with free shipping according to the infomercial for the grand old price of $10.99.

$5 for a metal wallet that supposedly has lots of space? That's metal and shouldn't fall apart? I could use that! I mean, I could count this as our Christmas presents to each other? Right?

So... I went online and began the order process. I'll admit I was a little suspicious when they immediately asked for my credit card number, before even giving product info.

I just wanted two wallets. They asked if I wanted to add the additional wallet. I checked yes. They asked if I'd like the additional wallet to be a different color. I said yes again (because Paul was hoping for a black wallet). They asked if I'd like to upgrade the wallets for $4.99 to save $6 on free shipping. I said yes.

Suddenly a screen came up that thanked me for my order and told me I'd just spent $67.90 on five new wallets. Um. No.

I looked for "cancelation" information. Nothing. I went back to the original website and found a phone number to call, that led me to another phone number, which I was instructed to call on Monday. I gave it a try and maybe because it's almost Monday in India, I got through. I explained the problem. The very nice man, who I reminded myself was not at fault here, told me he would put a note that my order needed to be modified before it was sent out, but that he couldn't cancel it because apparently "due to the high volume of calls and demand for this product" my order wasn't "in the system" yet. I could call back on Wednesday to "modify" my order. I clarified that I didn't want to modify it. I wanted to cancel it.

He noted that I wanted to cancel it, but said I'd still have to call back on Wednesday to tell them again that I wanted to cancel it. This made me a bit uneasy. Are they just hoping that I'm not going to call back? Or are they going to charge my card and ship the things out because I hadn't called in time, and then charge a shipping and re-stocking fee? I will be calling back. But I wanted a little more insurance to make sure I wouldn't be paying seventy bucks for a handful of $5 wallets that we don't need.

I called my credit card and told them what had happened. There was one thing they could do... freeze the card. And so my card is frozen for the time being.

My guess is that these companies rely on people being unwilling to make the multiple calls to cancel the order. They hope that we'll just let the extra $50 go, and they make big money that way. So I would strongly, strongly, encourage people to shop elsewhere. I definitely will be avoiding Telebrands, the company that sells Aluma Wallet, in the future. And I'd say they definitely deserve a Sadie (and Mae Bae) frown.

The dishonesty in this transaction was just a little much for me. And if they're swindling people in this way, it makes me think that they probably don't have a great product whose performance speaks for itself.

Go Pats!

2012-01-14T20:37:00.002-05:00

Are you guys watching the game tonight?

I think Paul's facebook status update from earlier in the week pretty much sums it up:

"OK I like you Tebow, but your season ends next Sunday."

So the game is actually tonight (not Sunday), so hopefully Denver's season ends tonight (and the way it's going it should!).

Grumpa's team already won tonight.

What's going to happen if Grumpa's team plays Daddy's team in the Super Bowl?!?!?!

That could be fun...

Here's a Sadie super bowl blast from the past. It wasn't a good day for our team:

Aurora and Snow White...

2012-01-14T15:28:00.002-05:00

Imperfect Prayers

2012-01-14T10:24:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I find it hard not to giggle at prayer times in our home. The girls have the expectations for the rosary down pretty well. They are both usually pretty quiet throughout this special family time, although it probably helps that our family rosary is usually prayed around 7pm, which is bed time, so they're already sleepy, if not dozing by the last prayers.

However, in our house, daytime prayers are something else altogether. Building the little altar/prayer area by the kitchen, was one of the best steps I've taken in making daily prayers a more accessible part of our daily life. After all, I'm walking into the kitchen all day long, and walking by our little altar is a great reminder to pray. But there are still challenges.

My prayers go something like this:

I'm almost always late beginning our morning prayer. Then I announce, to the girls who are usually playing in the living room at this point, that I'm going to pray if they want to join me. This sends Mae Bae tearing into the room at a run. She jumps on my lap and pulls at my veil or snood. She pulls them off. She tries to put them on her head. She attempts to replace them on my head, usually several times. If I put it back on, she pulls it off again, and wears it around her neck like a scarf, while sprinting out of the room.

I give up on any type of covering and begin praying. Mae Bae comes back, because she has prayer radar, and attempts to stand on my lap while pulling up to climb to the top of the altar, by holding on to the top of the dresser. I put her down next to me. She throws herself at the altar and swipes an icon and a crucifix, and then sprints into the other room.

Sadie wanders into the room and replaces a chaplet that Mae apparently also took with her. She kneels for a moment and then goes and brings back an armload of toys and dumps them next to me and begins spreading them across the dining room floor and into the kitchen. Mae runs back into the living room and I hear a crash that is thankfully not followed by a scream. I listen for footsteps. Mae Bae comes back into the room and plops down on my other side, eating a handful of cereal. She looks up to make sure I don't have a veil that needs stealing and then checks to make sure the drawer that I keep my prayers and religious books and headcoverings in, is closed.

If it's not closed she pulls out anything she can reach with a squeal while and spreads dupioni silk snoods and lace around the room, with glee.

Somehow, amidst all of this, I've managed to pray morning Lauds. Sometimes with more focus than others. Sometimes with a few giggles at the insanity around me, because if I didn't giggle I'd likely be pulling out my hair and so I choose laughter! After all, Lauds are joyful prayers of praise!

I am less consistent with afternoon and nighttime prayers (the divine office prayers I mean). But I've been making a point to say a certain novena, as I've been asking for Saint Philomena's prayers and intercession lately. This may be the year of novenas for me (although I still do miss some days and then begin again!)!

A certain blog that I recently discovered has been quite inspirational to me in my prayer life, however. Daria writes Coffee and Canticles, a blog about the Divine Office, and a particular post, "Worth Doing Badly" is a wonderful reminder of the importance of the prayer, even when the circumstances for praying are less than perfect!

And I have to say that when I peer ahead and imagine the future (God-willing!), I know that there will likely be plenty of time for more peaceful prayers! I imagine in those days I'll miss the noise that todays prayers inevitably bring! So for now I will embrace these days of "imperfect" prayers, knowing that they are very much a part of my vocation at the moment, as the little ones learn amid the noise and silences that our day should be filled with the joy that comes from a constant conversation with God.

Random Bits

2012-01-13T11:47:00.000-05:00

Sadie is currently, kneeling across the room from me, praying the rosary along with her Holy Baby DVD, in her full "Marie Therese" regalia. She's told me about five times today that she's going to be a nun, and begged me to search for her nun outfit and help her squeeze into the veil, which is now way too small, before asking to watch her "Marie Therese" movie. I know the movie she means. She wants to watch "Therese", but since I've noticed her terror of me dying seems pretty directly linked to us watching that movie, we're avoiding it until she's a bit older.

We've continued reading the Catholic Children's Treasure Box books, which talk about Saint Therese praying a lot, and apparently are having quite the effect. Today's book talked about Therese kneeling while she prayed and now Sadie is enthusiastically kneeling, which I hope will carry over into Mass (I bet it would if I let her wear her nun outfit).

In other happy news, January is apparently a good month for headcoverings! I was nearly finished with the six headcoverings I'd been working on for orders earlier this week, when six more headcoverings were ordered yesterday! If this keeps up, I might actually be able to start paying off bills, which would make me very, very happy! I went and bought three yards of fabric for my most popular snood, after selling out a second time, and was happy that the print was still in stock. Three yards makes around nine snoods, a few convertible headcoverings, with enough fabric left over headbands too, so that ought to keep me busy for a while! Sadie's even asked for a black and white snood, one of those rare instances where something doesn't have to be "Pink!!!!"

To stress the importance of "pink" in her life at the moment, I'm slightly surprised that she hasn't demanded a pink "Marie Therese" dress. When she saw the red velvet dress I'd made for Christmas morning one of her first comments was: "I wish it was pink!" Ah yes. There is an awful lot of pink in our world these days!

We're also readjusting to Paul being back in school. I think this is the craziest semester in law school and so we've pretty much said goodbye to seeing much of him until mid-May. Thankfully living on campus means that we at least get to sit down to lunch and dinner as a family, and I've very grateful for that! I think we've just about adjusted to the new "normal" at the moment!

As long as we don't have any more disasters!!!

Making it Right

2012-01-12T07:56:00.000-05:00

One of the problems I've run into as a craftsperson, particularly this morning, is quality problems with the parts that I use when coming up with a new creation. It's hard to know how a bead will stand up to the test of time, when it looks like a perfectly normal little piece of glass... and thus I got my first negative etsy review this morning... for beads that were apparently prone to chipping.

I winced when I saw which item it was for. It was a chaplet that I was sure I had in stock back when it was ordered. In fact, I know that it must be somewhere, in this apartment, right now. I didn't sell it. It should be with all the other chaplets. Yet, when it came time to ship it had vanished. I went to my bead stash and found that there weren't enough beads to make another... and I rushed Michael's where I was told by a grouchy woman that if the beads weren't on the floor they weren't in the store. I went over to Joann's and found beads that looked identical... but that were made by a different company. They looked perfect for the project and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Apparently, however, they chipped very quickly...

And that brings me to my next point, which is: If you ever have a problem with anything I've made, please let me know! I would love to make it right! As it is I plan on searching for some more sturdy black beads today and sending another chaplet out to the disappointed owner. I stand by what I make and if you have a problem with something you've ordered from me, give me the chance to fix it! If a headband is too large or to small, or a headcovering isn't to your liking let me know and we'll come up with something that you do love! If a rosary or a chaplet breaks or has some sort of problem, I'd love to fix it! I can't do anything if you don't tell me, but it's really important to me that you'd happy with the product you receive.

After all, these are the products that I love crafting, and also the businesses that support our entire family at the moment (I am officially the sole breadwinner now! Which can be a teensy bit stressful since I can only really get anything done when the girls are sleeping!) and so it's especially important to me that the things I make me high quality! If you have had a problem feel free to email me at thiswomansplace@gmail.com so I can fix it! And thank you for all of you who have ordered from my shop!

Mae and the Apple

2012-01-11T23:31:00.000-05:00

Today was better than yesterday. We woke up to blustery gusts of wind and while the forecast was still warm, the girls and I were able to sit inside and watch the storm clouds and the trees being whipped back forth by the wind and pretend that it was winter (although I do believe the air conditioning still kicked on several times today).

Sadie woke up and announced that her tongue was "all better," until she actually stood up, quickly swallowed the Tylenol I had for her and looked at me sadly before saying: "I think I need more medicine." As long as I remembered to give her the next dose exactly on time, she was fine. If I was half an hour late she would be dissolve in tears at the drop of a hat for the next hour. That was plenty of motivation not to forget!

Lately Sadie has been very into "saving" Mae Bae. I can be in the kitchen washing dishes and know that if Mae Bae is doing something even vaguely naughty, Sadie will race into the kitchen to give me updates. Today I'd just walked from the dining room to the living room when Sadie followed after me and said something along the lines of: "Come quick Mommy! Mae Bae is dying!!!!" Since I'd walked by Mae all of five seconds earlier, I was fairly sure she was just fine. But I turned and walked the ten steps back into the dining room and instantly understood what she meant. Apparently Sadie takes her fairy tales very seriously.

Nani had just sent the girls a big box of presents, and Sadie had instantly changed into the Aurora PJs that were in the box, while I'd put Mae in the Snow White PJs. Now Mae, dressed in her Snow White PJs, was in the middle of the dining room eating an apple. And for the rest of the day anytime Mae Bae went picked up an apple Sadie would repeat her announcement.

On a different note, I am really, very glad we took Sadie in to be seen yesterday. While we were at the hospital the doctor told me what the healing process for a hurt tongue looks like, and what to watch for and I have to say that if he hadn't described it, I would have been totally and completely panicked today. I will be so, so, so very happy when this particular ouchie is completely healed.

Now to get some sleep. In half an hour it will be tomorrow. I sewed six snoods tonight, so at least I feel like I got something done after the girls went to bed!

Tylenol...

2012-01-10T21:48:00.001-05:00

Sadie's looking quite a bit more cheerful after our morning ER visit (thanks to Tylenol).

It's nice to see her smiling again!

Sadie's Trip to the ER...

2012-01-10T13:56:00.003-05:00

What a morning! I'll begin with a warning that there is quite a bit of blood in this post... So it may not be for the squeamish.

It all started out so perfectly. We have the Catholic Children's Treasure Box book series and have been doing "school" a bit more formally lately. Sadie was pretty thrilled to discover that the first story in the first seven books is about Saint Therese, and has been enthusiastically learning about her favorite saint.

We began our day with an early morning walk. We walked a mile to a park bench, sat and had a snack, and I read to the girls while they ate their rice cakes. Then we headed back to the park, where Sadie played in the sandbox while Mae Bae handed me handfuls of wood chips (a favorite activity).

And then, because it's a pretty warm day with a forecast of 81 degrees, I let the girls get into their matching pink bathing suits and set them loose in the water park. We were the only ones there and they had a great time playing and splashing in the water, and I was happy that it meant I wouldn't be bringing to sand covered girls home to the apartment. There was one spot in the middle of the water park though, that was slick and both girls slipped there several times before and I'd warned them to be careful... and then it happened. Sadie slipped and hit her chin on the ground. I ran across the park to her, and as she pushed herself up I saw blood pouring everywhere. Puddles of blood. I thought that she'd knocked her front teeth out, but quickly saw a large gash where her top teeth had gone through her tongue.

I managed not to get sick or faint and began to try to figure out what to do. Paul was across town at the court house and I didn't have a car. The ER was three miles away. Blood poured everywhere as I scooped her up, grabbed a towel, put her in the stroller and put a fighting Mae in the stroller, vaguely realizing we were all covered with blood.

Sadie cried and told me that she didn't want the blood getting on her princess bathing suit tutu. I told her I'd wash it and marveled that she was worried about one of her "princess dresses getting dirty" even then (she's very careful with them). Thankfully just as I got the girls in the stroller Paul called and I told him we were going to the ER. The bleeding had slowed though, and I didn't think we needed to call 911. I rushed home and put a very pale Sadie in regular clothes, changed Mae Bae and packed some books and snacks in a bag, anticipating a wait at the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and were quickly seen. Everyone was wonderful. When the first nurse saw Sadie I think he doubted how bad it could be, because she was sitting calmly on my lap, and in fact, I was beginning to doubt it too (the pictures doesn't really do the wound justice, because her tongue isn't at quite the... gapping... angle that best shows the hole...). Then he asked her to show him and pretty quickly brought us back to the doctor. Sadie showed everyone, and tried to curl her tongue so that they could see the bottom of it. Ultimately she did have to be held down for them to make sure the bottom wasn't badly damaged (it wasn't).

The doctor who saw us was actually the very nice doctor who saw me when I was so sick after the miscarriage. He gave us lots of instructions on what to do and said not to hesitate to bring her back if my instincts told me it was getting worse, although he expects that it will heal nicely.

And so we are home. Sadie and Mae sister both enjoyed strawberry Popsicles (I see a lot of Popsicles in Sadie's future) and Sadie is feeling better after the generous dose of Tylenol we were told to give her.

We're taking the day off of doing anything and watching princess movies. Today has been eventful enough already!

"Three Boys and Three Girls..."

2012-01-09T07:54:00.001-05:00

Sadie Quote (while praying last night): "God... Dear.. New Baby...... Three boy and three girls!.... Three boys and three GIRLS!!!!"

So she's becoming more ambitious by the week. She also patted my stomach and announced that there was a new baby in there. I think the child just assumes that I'm pregnant 365 days a year. And apparently she's now wishing for sextuplets.

Well... at least she's not totally against brothers any more... that's a relief.

On a Different Note...

2012-01-09T07:48:00.001-05:00

This is a little different than what I usually write about, but the area in question is near and dear to my heart, and the topic shows the craziness of over the top government regulation.

This clip below about the county that I grew up in (if you watch the entire three minutes it gives statistics at the end about the various industries that have collapsed and the unemployment rate which stands at 20%). The same agency in this clip, that's been harassing farmers over tiny streams, refuses to do anything about the massive environmental damage that's being done in a neighboring county by pot growers.

One state congressman's aid that I heard speak before we moved had questioned people at the agency and were told that they weren't doing anything about the complete destruction of the forest (think bulldozers and no sewage disposal, alongside what is basically becoming a small city of people) because the people there "have guns." The ranchers likely have guns too. But the ranchers don't begin firing their guns in the air whenever government officials show up. The growers do. I have a feeling that if the ranchers were acting the way the growers were, the outcome wouldn't be the same and the government would crack down hard on them.

Over the years I've seen some amazingly bad environmental decisions being made when they're being made by people across the country who don't have an understanding of the eco-system they're supposedly "protecting." The most disturbing for me was the injunction that was granted against land owners so that they wouldn't be able to log the timber that was burnt after a fire. This meant that went another forest fire swept through a few years later the dry trees were still standing there, perfect kindling for the flames.

Or, on a smaller level, each year it was upsetting to see the geese and ducks lay their eggs along the river in spring near my family's home. Then they'd decide thousands of miles away whether it was a dry year or a wet year and artificially flood the river to recreate what they believe would have happened if the dam hadn't been there. I have a feeling what would have happened naturally wouldn't have been tens of thousands of square feet of water rushing down all at once and destroying the nests of many of the birds.

I'm all for being good stewards of the land we've been entrusted with. However I haven't seen many good decisions being handed down from people who have no understanding of the places they're making decisions about.

Anyways, here's the clip on the power struggle going on in Northern California:

On Shyness and Snobbery

2012-01-07T14:20:00.002-05:00

I’m shy. It’sprobably hard to tell from reading my blog because, sitting when I'm alone in a roomtyping a post (or watching my little ballerina dance along to a ballet DVD) Ishare a lot of details about our lives. But face to face, in person (and particularly in groups) I’m incrediblyintroverted.

In college I spent a lot of time trying my level best not tobe shy. I tried to besomeone who preferred to go out with friends over sitting at home with a goodbook… but it never really took. It was an enormous effort. It just wasn’t who I was. It was anexhausting act, and it took quite a lot of energy to play the part.

But, still I tried, partly because I knew the label that shyness could easily earn me: Snob. It was an insult I’ve heard not infrequently throughout mylife, as shyness is often misinterpreted as some sort of superiority by peoplewho didn't know me, and who, for whatever reason, decide that my general quietness must come from the worst possible motive. My silence must mean that I think that I’m so super-special and as a result I justdon’t want to talk to people (or some-such rather skewed logic... as is often the case when we go out looking for the worst in people).

Of course, the shyness melts away pretty quickly when I’mone on one with someone. Or evenin small groups where I know everyone. But it takes more than five minutes to get to know someonethat well, and in that amount of time the label can be given and canstick.

One of the key differences between introverts and extrovertsis how they recharge. An extrovertis energized by being around people. An introvert is energized by being alone. And to be honest, I’ve needed a ridiculous amount of time torecharge these past five months (just think... five months... a move across the country and five trips to the hospital) and to just process everything that’shappened.

I must admit that I’ve grown more comfortable and secure inmy introverted nature in the past six years. I’ve realized that I don’t have to pretend to be someonethat I’m not, and that it’s okay to be quiet when I don’t have something thatneeds to be said.

However, I've also realized, lately, that wearing dresses andheadcoverings probably doesn't help the “snob” situation. Not only am I quiet… not only do I keepto myself… but now I stand out like a sour thumb. It’s easy to make assumptions about both the headcoveringsand the dresses. It can, apparently, leadpeople to wonder if I think I’m “better than everyone else” (By the way, theanswer is a very adamant No!!!!).

I’ve written extensively about my odd choices, but toelaborate here, I cover my head for a variety of reasons, the foremost ofwhich (in my everyday life), is that it reminds me to pray more often. The skirts are, in a very similar way,a personal reminder of my vocation, and a reminder to embrace myfemininity. If these choices showanything it’s that I may need more reminders throughout the day than others doof what I should be doing.

So if you know me (or know someone who’s shy, and let’s faceit, you probably do!) try not to assume that my quietness means that I dislikeyou, or that it’s meant as an insult… it really just means that I don’t knowyou well enough yet to be totally at ease, and so I remain reserved. And hopefully that's not a crime... right?

Little Christmas

2012-01-06T22:19:00.001-05:00

Sadie and Mae both received a few books today for Little Christmas. They were actually presents that I'd bought a while back and put away for Christmas, and completely forgotten about. Sadie was excited to find two Gospel Coloring Books, that she immediately set to work coloring, and a copy of Therese the Little Flower of Lisieux. Mae ignored her two gifts, which were My First Pictures of Christmas and My First Pictures of Mary (although Sadie loved them!).

While Mae was taking her nap this afternoon Sadie and I sat down and read her Saint Therese book. She loved it. It's not the shortest book, and the pages have a lot of words for a three year old, but she was enthralled (I think it would have been too much if it hadn't been about Saint Therese!). She asked me to read it again, when Mae Bae was awake, and I promised to read it before bedtime. With the girls snuggled into bed we started reading and this time Sadie was full of questions and comments. "Is that Therese? What is she doing?" were questions frequently heard. Followed by: "I want to be a nun!" And then: "What's Car-a-mel? Is she in Carmel yet?" My personal favorite may have been this snippet of a conversation:

Sadie: "What is that?"
Me: "A kneeler."
Sadie: "I want one."
Me: "Maybe we'll have one in our house someday..."
Sadie: "I want one.... and a yellow dress too!"

The little girl Therese who was kneeling in the picture was wearing a yellow dress.

Which brings me to Sadie's latest comment/question that follows me around throughout the day. Whether she's looking at an American Girl catalog or turning the pages of her Saint Therese book she'll frequently ask: "Do we have this fabric?" while pointing to a dress. When I say no (because we don't have the exact fabric) she'll say: "Yes we do. We have pink. We have pink fabric." Apparently this is when I'm supposed to volunteer to run and get my sewing machine and whip whatever dress she's pointing to, right up. Because she thinks I'm a little slow on the uptake she'll sometimes make herself a bit clearer by adding: "Can you make me this dress?"

Her belief that I make pretty much everything does make shopping with her easier. She doesn't expect things to come from the store... but I think she has a dozen or so projects she'd like me to get to work on!

(Book pictures from Magnificat links seen above.)

My Christmas Present is on It's Way

2012-01-06T08:22:00.000-05:00

I am pretty excited at the moment. My Christmas gift, given in the form of gift cards, and finally actually ordered is on it's way. I knew when the gift card arrived exactly what it would be used for: a Brother LB-6800THRD Computerized Sewing and Embroidery Machine (the picture is from the Costco website). I'd been eyeing the machine on Costco.com for months, but the machine definitely wasn't in our budget. Yet I'd sew and imagine monogramed creations (I have a major weakness for monogramed anything).

Before the gift card I couldn't honestly justify the purchase though, simply based on the embroidery feature. I can make the sewing machines I have now do everything that I need them to do. Someday I hope to have a sewing machine counter (in the far off future) where they're all lined up and ready to be used at a moment's notice, and I can snap a photo to show on my blog. At the moment I haul out whatever sewing machine is being used, and place it on Sadie's little play table (which is tiny!) and sew there. It isn't the ideal work space, but it works for now.

At the moment my sewing arsenal includes a serger (and I've been so busy I haven't yet gotten to sit down and read the manual, and after my experience with my first ever sewing machine I've learned that for me, the manual is important when it comes to sewing machines!), a Bernina industrial sewing machine from the 1930s (I googled the type once and found the actual year!) that belonged to my great grandmother (it weighs about 70 lbs which makes moving it a bit of a challenge! But it's so beautiful!), and a simple kenmore that belonged to my grandmother and my mom and that I tune up regularly, but that I'm in constant fear is just about to kick the bucket. And what if all the sewing machines cease to run at the same time?!?!?! (although I realize that this is highly unlikely...). My aim is to sew at least four hours a night, so that is surprising amount of wear and tear (as I learned with my first Singer, which died after a few short months of all night sewing... and created my phobia of having orders and no sewing machine to sew them on).

I think that fear will be completely eliminated now. And so I am staring at the sewing machine website, at all the cool things that my new sewing machine will do! It:

Has 70 built in designs, 5 fonts, and 120 frame patterns!
Has 67 stitches and 98 stitch functions
Has it's very own USB cable (okay that makes me a little worried! This will definitely be my most high tech sewing gadget!)
Has on screen editing for the embroidery patterns
And it speaks 16 languages (LOL!).

And then it has a lot of the things that I didn't really care about, but that will probably be pretty neat, like a push button thread cutter and a "super easy" bobbin winding system (okay, so I've never actually thought, "wow, it's really hard to wind that bobbin...").

Best of all, it comes with a 25 year warranty!

Now I just have to wait for it to arrive. And I have to find someplace to put it. The Kenmore spends it's spare time in a baby bassinet.... It looks like I have some organizing to do!

Another Night in the ER

2012-01-05T08:36:00.001-05:00

I am glad to be home at the moment. Last night was another night in the ER (but at least I got home earlier than in the past!). After 48 hours of migraine I couldn't take it anymore and went in. If you've read here long, then you likely know my distrust of hospitals and know that it had to be pretty bad to break down and walk through the ER doors. And it was amazing. One IV and the migraine was gone. So now I have a referral to see a neurologist, because apparently three migraines a week is just way too many (yes, yes it is!). I'm just glad to be able to think again and not to feel like I'm being stabbed in the eye! It would be very nice if we could figure these out!

And really, I'm ready to be done blogging about health related anything! I've had more trips to the hospital in the last six months than I'd had in my entire life before we moved to Florida!

New Years Resolutions and Day to Day Challenges

2012-01-04T08:33:00.001-05:00

The girls have decided that they don't want to sleep unless Mommy is in the room at about 9:30 each night. This is problematic for both my sewing and my blogging. You see, 9:30 means only two hours of sewing and no blogging for me. Any time after 11 would be a reasonable wake-up time for them to demand my presence, although closer to 1 am would be better if I'm really going to get everything I need to get done, done.

The scene unfolds like this: They know I'm intent on leaving the room and so they pretend to be asleep, until I touch the handle on the door, at which point they both sit up and scream "Maaaaaaaaaaamaaaaaa!!!!" It's a recent development, and I'm hoping it ends soon.

Yesterday I had a bit of a panic when, after 24 hours of a migraine that just wasn't going away (this migraine laughed at every migraine killing painkiller I threw at it over the course of the day), my eyes decided they were done. Everything went all foggy and through the fogginess blurry and double. Look, two Paul's! Two TVs! I sat down quickly, at Paul's suggestion, pretty sure that this wasn't a good thing, wondering: "How am I going to sew?!?!?! I have orders I need to get out tomorrow!!!!" It went away after five minutes. An admittedly panic stricken five minutes... I am very, very ready to get some answers, hopefully on the 17th.

And so, as a result of the sleep difficulties, my blog about New Year's Resolutions is still left unwritten. I filled the page of a lined piece of paper with resolutions for the coming year, and actually turned the page over before I began to have an inkling that it might be difficult to actually implement 40 different New Year's resolutions.

The list is written in sections, beginning with spirituality. That part was easy enough to come up with. There has been very little change over the years. It looks something like this:

Pray the divine office (that was new!)... or at least pray morning and night time prayers... and maybe evening prayers too... if I can remember that it's "evening" before dinner... or bedtime...
Pray the rosary every day as a family (we already do this one... but I like cementing the practice in place via yearly resolutions!)
Read the Bible for 15 minutes a day.
Read the Catechism of the Catholic Church for 10 minutes a day.
Do some other sort of theological/spiritual reading for 10 minutes a day.
Celebrate at least two feast days each month and teach the girls about the saints.
Be kinder and more patient.

Now somewhere around #5 I realize that I'm delusional. 35 minutes of reading a day? Do I really have 35 minutes to sit holding a (non-children's) book? #5 itself may be completed while sitting on the little pink potty in the guest bathroom while the girls take their bath each night, but #3 and #4 can't take place during that particular scene because splashing is pretty much guaranteed and the delicate pages of my Bible would not do well when met with water.

What about non-bathtub side reading? When I sit down Mae thinks it's time to nurse. Every time I sit down. And her ability to tear a book our of my hand while nursing prove that she believes reading and producing milk are mutually exclusive activities. And that is another trial I'd rather not put my delicate paged Bible through...

Moving on... My attempts at completing #1, throughout the day, would be kind of hilarious to watch. I kneel and begin reading from the Magnificat. Mae Bae's "Mommy is praying radar goes off" and she races into the room. She rips my veil, comb and all off of my head. If I have a snood on she goes for my nose and tries to pull it while laughing. I push on, praying, while hugging her. She attempts to put the veil on her head. Then back on my head. When prayer time is complete she goes back to attempting to remove the garland from the Christmas tree (is it Epiphany yet?!?!?).

I might get #3 in if we aren't fickle about the kind of Bible and we use... can it be this one... or maybe this one... But if I say it has to be my Ignatius Bible... that's going to be a bit more difficult (although certainly worth aiming for)...

I've also resolved to lose 20 pounds (unlikely!), or not gain the full 45 I usually gain if I find out I'm pregnant this year (a mere 35 would be my goal!) by trying to eat more fruit and veggies and a less ridiculous amount of carbs (Paul also suggests that I stop putting cream cheese in everything {a slight exaggeration} I cook and maybe only use it on Sundays...). We're planning on going on more walks again. And I'm planning on announcing an awesome (non-baby related) surprise mid-year!

Of course, the actual nearly two page list is much longer, but those are the highlights!

In other news Mae Bae is 1 1/2 today!!!

How are your New Year's Resolutions going?

Thomist.

2012-01-02T22:25:00.000-05:00

Thomist is a bit unbearable when it comes to the most popular posts section towards the bottom of the sidebar. You see way back in the day, when my blog was a brand new baby blog, an atheist came on and attempted to show me what he imagined was the error in my way of thinking, setting off a debate the likes of which this blog has not seen since.

A series of posts followed, authored by Thomist and the debate continued. One of those posts is still, by far, the most popular post ever written on my blog. It's always on the list of popular posts, and it's usually at the top. It still receives quite a few hits every day (see me not linking to it! I'm not encouraging him!).

Thomist checks in to see if he's "winning" rather frequently. He's a little disappointed when he's not. But he's not disappointed often, because usually his post is #1.

I've pointed out that this probably means he should start his own blog. But he has had the rather worthy excuse of being busy with school for the past four years and so, so far, he remains unconvinced.

At this moment he's in second place. But that is only because I changed the settings to show the top monthly posts, because if I went for all time hits he'd be "winning" by a lot.

Maybe I'll convince him to start his own blog in a few more years when he's done with school! Or in summer... What do you think Thomist?

The Latest in Snoods!

2012-01-02T08:32:00.000-05:00

I'd taken a little time off making snoods over Christmas and lately have just been working on incoming orders. However last night I came up with a new crepe and lace snood (it's already listed in the store) and I just had to share it here!

I think I look sleepy... This is what pattern writing does to me... it makes me want to take a nap!

The crepe and lace holds the weight of all my hair...

Now if only these were as easy to make as my other lace snoods!

In other news I've now sold over 100 headcoverings! And tomorrow is the store's eight month anniversary!

Beautiful Veils!

2012-01-02T08:05:00.001-05:00

I know that some of you, like me, are always on the lookout for headcoverings! So I thought I'd point you in the direction of a new shop that I just discovered this week. Michelle from Liturgical Time is very sweet and she's having a 15% off sale right now! Her shop opened this last month and she has some beautiful creations! I'd definitely encourage all of you to check out her blog and her shop!

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T07:02:00.002-05:00

I was planning a long post last night about New Year's resolutions and maybe making some changes to the blog, but the noisiness of a happy New Year being celebrated outside meant that I was needed in the girls' room, where two screaming bunnies were joining in the noise making, which put everything else, from snood sewing to typing, on hold. I spent a good deal of time wondering how I could sound proof their window a bit more, because the shrieks were coming through loud and clear over the white noise "womb sounds" bear that we have. Although it's not like I can really modify a rental, it did give me time to imagine shutters, thicker windows and giant velvet curtains, alongside piles and piles of insulation, before drifting off to sleep. I'm not sure why the girls' room is so loud anyways. It's the only part of the house that's really like that!

We did get to take a family walk before the girls went to bed, in the fading light, and that was beautiful!

I will be the first to admit that 2011 is not a year that I am sad to see go and going to bed at 9:30 will mean I'm rested today. The changing of the year may be symbolic, but as someone who's ready for a fresh start, I'm excited to embrace that symbolic change by making some changes, big and small, in the upcoming year.

The first of those changes will be focusing on living right now, in the moment, rather than wishing that I could fast-forward blank number of months to an imagined time when things might be bit easier!

Now to get ready for Mass! Happy Solemnity of Mary!And if you have a New Year's Post join the link up party going on at Michelle's Blog Liturgical Time! I just discovered it and it's a new favorite!

On Faith, Works and Popular Misconceptions

2011-12-30T22:55:00.000-05:00

“In the same way, faith, ifgood deeds do not go with it, is quite dead. But someone may say: So you have faith and I have gooddeeds? Show me this faith of yourswithout deeds, then! It is by mydeeds that I will show you my faith. You believe in the one God- that is creditable enough, but even thedemons have the same belief, and they tremble with fear. Fool! Would you not like to know that faith without deeds isuseless? Was not Abraham ourfather justified by his deed, because he offered his son Isaac on thealtar? So you can see that hisfaith was working together with his deeds; his faith became perfect by what hedid. In this way the scripture wasfulfilled: Abraham put his faithin God, and this was considered as making him upright; and he received the name‘friend of God.’ You see now thatit is by deeds, and not only believing, that someone is justified. There is another example of the samekind: Rahab the prostitute, was she not justified by her deeds because shewelcomed the messengers and showed them a different way to leave? As a body without a spirit is dead, sois faith without deeds.”

James2: 17-26

Atthe top of the list of contentious and misunderstood Catholic teachings is theissue of faith and works, which along with misunderstandings about intercessory prayer, Mary, the Eucharist and papal authority, is frequently twisted aboutuntil the reality and the truth, which form the basis for the teaching, arecompletely unrecognizable.

Thetwisted un-truth, usually goes something like this: “Catholics believe that they are saved through their owngood works, not through the grace of God.” This is false. And it sets two aspects of the Christian life at odds, when they neednot be.

Hereis the basic problem with this particular falsehood: faith and works are not,in reality, set up in opposition to one another. We are not given a scenario where we must decide betweenfaith or works. They go hand and hand as true faithbrings forth good actions.

Churchteaching has preserved this truth for us. Like many of Christ’s teachings, it is not the easiest thing in theworld to implement in our everyday lives. It would be far easier to say a combination of words in a certain way,and then no longer be held responsible for our actions. Yet Saint Paul tells us in his letterto the Philippians:

“So, my dear friends,you have always been obedient; your obedience must not be limited to times whenI am present. Now that I am absentit must be more in evidence, so work out your salvation in fear and trembling.”(Philippians 2:12)

Thisindicates that our faith must be lived, for while our salvation surely comesfrom Christ, we were born with free will and we use that free will to chooseHeaven or Hell. Our thoughts andactions lead us in one direction or the other. Through the Grace of God we may choose Heaven. But still we must be the ones who makethe choice and we make the choice over and over again, when we choose to eitherturn towards God and embrace His will in our lives, or when we choose sin,which is death.

Wecertainly struggle, mired down in the world, with our shortcomings andtemptations and we know that we’ll frequently fall short. Yet Jesus’ words in Matthew clearlytell us that we must still strive to do what is right and live out God’s willfor our lives:

“Jesus said to him, “Why doyou ask me about what is good? There is one alone who is good. But if you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.”” (Matthew 19:17)

SaintPaul’s words in his letter to the Church in Ephesus do not contradict thisbalance of faith and works, when he says:

"For by grace you havebeen saved through faith; and this is not your own doing, it is the gift ofGod—not because of works, lest any man should boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Maybeif our society prized humility a bit more, this verse would make more sense tous. If we thought like SaintIgnatius of Loyola who said:

“Few soulsunderstand what God would accomplish in them if they were to abandon themselvesunreservedly to Him and if they were to allow His grace to mold themaccordingly.”

or Saint Isaac Iogues who said:

“My confidence isplaced in God who does not need our help for accomplishing his designs. Oursingle endeavor should be to give ourselves to the work and to be faithful tohim, and not to spoil his work by our shortcomings.”

thenSaint Paul’s words to the Ephesians would be easier for us to comprehend. For our good deeds are not our own,they are God’s, and so we shouldn’t boast. More than that, we shouldn’t boast of doing the things thatwe should be doing anyways. We aremade to serve and love God. Yet weoften find ourselves expecting praise when we do the bare minimum, like goingto Mass on Sunday to fulfill our obligation.

Overand over again we see in the Bible that our actions do in fact matter. In Romans we read:

"For he will render to every man according to his works:to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor andimmortality, he will give eternal life; but for those who are factious and donot obey the truth, but obey wickedness, there will be wrath and fury." (Romans 2: 6-8)

An Appointment!

2011-12-30T10:53:00.001-05:00

Paul kept calling the doctor's and finally nailed down an appointment with the cardiologist. It's on the 17th, which I'm taking as a good sign, since the receptionist told me that appointments were based on urgency. So apparently the EKG doesn't scream "urgent", which makes me pretty happy this morning. Now it's just a matter of waiting three weeks for more news. These past months have been a huge exercise in patience.

An Update...

2011-12-29T20:28:00.002-05:00

I was hoping to have a real update for you (and me!) today, but I haven't heard back from the cardiology office yet, so not much has happened here. I do feel better today... but I do take a pain pill when the pain gets too out of control (which is usually once a day), so it's hard to tell if there's really any change. Today was a little surreal in that I felt the same as I've felt for quite a while, but the mere idea that it could be heart related, rather than hormonal made things quite a bit more stressful. I'm trying for the most part not to think about it (that's probably the real reason for the belated update! Sorry!). I do have a feeling that it's more likely to be a thyroid thing than a heart thing (at least that's what I'm hoping!). I just wish I'd asked more questions when the doctor was so worried about the EKG results... I was so surprised that they weren't good, that I didn't really say anything.

I will be calling the cardiology office tomorrow (despite the "don't call us we'll call you) and if I don't get a hold of them I'll start looking at the doctor's offices that are further away. I'll post an update when I have an appointment! Hopefully that will be soon!

The Dresses

2011-12-29T19:00:00.000-05:00

The girls used a gift card that they got to pick out two new dresses. Sadie is referring to her dress as a "Tiana" Dress. And Mae Bae's is an actual Princess Dress.

Today when we went on a short walk I snapped a few pictures and I just had to share them here:

The Crisis of the Day

2011-12-28T17:40:00.000-05:00

I become a horrible blogger when I have something big on my mind that I'm trying not to share. It's like the thing I'm not talking about becomes the only thing I can possibly think about, any time I go to post something on my blog and I end up with a serious case of writer's block.

These past few days that's been going on. But because I was trying not to be a gloomy little storm cloud (umm... I think I failed... even though I didn't share what was going on) and I didn't really know what was going on, I posted about scissors and the weather and tried to put my rambling-on-about-next-to-nothing skills to good use.

Well, now I still don't know what's going on, but I know a bit more than I did this morning.

I went to the doctor this afternoon for a checkup. It wasn't an OB check like most of them have been in the past months, just a regular, brand new doctor checkup. Paul had made the appointment for me, despite my protests that going in for a physical when "nothing was wrong" was pointless. I have been a bit run down. I had a fever last week and I've been nauseous and had headaches for about a month now. But I'd figured the headaches were from the progesterone and maybe the exhaustion too, even though I'd been napping with the girls and getting plenty of sleep (and a dozen pregnancy tests said that I absolutely am not pregnant at this moment). Nothing major. Nothing worth seeing a doctor over. Certainly nothing like what was going on a couple of months ago.

Then the pain started right below my right armpit four days ago. It really, really hurt. And it spread to my shoulder blade and halfway across my chest. I don't think of myself as a wimp. I played rugby. I've had broken bones and a badly herniated disk. I took 1 pain pill after I had my c-section and 2 (if I remember correctly) after I had my D&C. But I was now taking 2 pills a day to control whatever it was that was going on. I was suddenly grateful to have an appointment coming up.

I felt fine this morning when I woke up (possibly because 3 days of percocet can really make a person feel "fine."). We went to the appointment and I waited my turn. Three minutes into the appointment I was a little nervous. The doctor had a heavy accent that was hard to understand and didn't seem to have much patience with anyone. When Paul's appointment was over he took Mae outside and I explained to the doctor what was going on.

Once we got past the "you could have died!!!" horror of what happened with the miscarriage, she began to ask questions and listened to my heart. I told her I was really run down and I thought I might have shingles, because of the location of the pain. She listened and paused, seemingly deep in thought and suddenly became very, very nice. She said she didn't think I had shingles. She asked if I knew that my resting pulse was 106 beats per minute. She was ordering an EKG.

Ten minutes later I had a referral to a cardiologist in my hand and another prescription for painkillers (what is it with telling doctors that you don't like taking painkillers that causes them to give you them?) after a not-so-good EKG. And Sadie was walking alongside me saying "Can I help you Mommy?" in a worried tone while I acted like everything was fine and tried not to freak out about how worried the formerly stern doctor seemed.

So now I'm waiting for a call back from the cardiologist who will agree to see me based on "how bad things seem" according to his receptionist. By that logic, I guess not getting in this week would be a good thing.

I can't help but wonder if this is related to all the hemorrhaging and three months of retained tissue. I mean that couldn't have been good for any part of my body.

As always, any prayers are appreciated. Writing down what happened does take me slightly out of freak out mode. And I'm very grateful for a husband who dragged me to the doctor while I insisted I was fine. Now if only we can get some good news... I'm ready to write a post about how nothing is wrong and how this experience has inspired me to train for a half marathon...

Different Definitions of "Nice" Weather

2011-12-28T08:35:00.001-05:00

When we moved to Florida a lot of people we knew who had visited the state repeatedly told us: "Oh we visited last winter and it was soooooooooo nice." This was specific to the town we were moving to, in particular, and so when we moved here in summer and it felt like we were swimming through the air with 95 degree temperatures and 50 billion percent humidity, I would cling to the thought that winter was only a few short months away and that then it would be "nice." After all, it might be 110 degrees back home, but it was 110 degrees with dry air, which does not feel nearly as unbearable as the soaking wet, instantly coated with sweat heat of South West Florida.

And I have come to the conclusion that we have a very different idea of what "nice" is. I think it may have something to do with the difference between living in a place and visiting that same place.

On Christmas Day the weather man told us it was going to be 85 degrees. Yesterday it was supposed to be 80 degrees and we were going to get .7 inches of rain (and I'm sure we did because it poured). While there was a brief break in the mugginess in November, the humidity appears to be back with one weather lady saying "we have a high pressure system moving in, so it's going to be nice!" in an annoyingly chipper voice, while I thought about throwing my shoe at the television because this... this... is not "nice."

I will admit that I love cold weather. I own skis and a snowboard. I grew up making snowmen and having sled runs through the backyard. Then we'd huddle round the fire pit, which had the snow cleared away, and make s'mores.

I usually love warm weather too. What I actually enjoy, I think, is the change of the seasons, and not the perpetual muggy warmth that has two modes: hot and hotter.

I do now know when Paul asks: "Where do you see us living?" that my answer now includes: "Some place with seasons! Four of them!!!"

More than that, let it be someplace where my yarn based crafting skills can be put to use and appreciated. Who wants a cozy hand knit baby sweater in Florida? Or a snuggly afghan. No one! Because it's just too hot to even think about snuggling up in anything wooly. It's more like year round spandex (swimsuits).

I think it must be different for people who were born here. They seem to be used to the thick heat and are content with the perpetual summer (broken of course, by an occasional tropical storm).

So for all of you who had snowy white Christmases... enjoy the cold for me! Have another cup of hot cocoa and snuggle by the fire! I think I need to go turn the air conditioner down before it gets too hot today...

The New Dress Project

2011-12-27T08:47:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I started cutting out strips of fabric with a vague picture in my mind of how my dress would look. Sadie helped me drape and giggle. She also offered to sew, but I declined (by pointing out that we still need to buy batteries!). Here's what I've come up with so far. I'd have to say my dress form comes in a close second to my scissors in the usefulness department.

Unfortunately the bra straps (that I use to shape my dress form) are in the picture. But other than that, here's my plan for my new dress.

Now if only I had someplace fancy to wear it! Maybe next year!

How Babies are Made.... a 3 Year Olds' Definition

2011-12-27T07:47:00.000-05:00

On Christmas Day I was laying back on the ground in the middle of our living room, exhausted from two hours of frantic cooking in order to get dinner on the table by 5:30. The food was not yet eaten, but was still cooling, and I think Paul was in cutting up the ham.

I'd already changed into my favorite pajama pants and a t-shirt, because I was feeling a bit under the weather, and as I lay back with my arms over my head, a bit of my stomach peeked out. Sadie quickly slid over next to me and started pushing at my stomach around my belly button, like she was kneading dough (she helps me knead dough when I make bread). As she did this she announced: "This is how you make a baby!"

So there you have it, from the mouth of our three year old: that's how you make a baby!

My Most Useful Purchase of the Year

2011-12-26T15:19:00.001-05:00

Last month I returned from a fabric purchasing expedition with a slender silver colored box. We were on our way to buy groceries as I removed the box from the bag and explained to Paul that I'd made a wonderful, much needed purchase that would make my life so much easier. He looked more than a little skeptical as I said the words "spring action scissors." I rushed on explaining that they were 50% off, making them only $24 and that with all the sewing I do they would make life much, much easier. That's when he started to think that I'd completely lost it. Who buys $50 scissors, even when they are 50% off? And spring loaded? He was not impressed. There was a comment of: "What, so you don't have to do all that work to pull the scissors back open when they're closed?" I chuckled, because it did sound kind of ridiculous when he put it that way.

It's been nearly a month, however, and I have to say, they are by far the most useful thing that I bought this year (last year's most useful purchase would be these pliers). The only part of sewing that I disliked before was cutting out fabric. It was frequently frustrating. And I was sewing so often that my cheap sewing scissors would be dull after a few weeks. I did buy a scissor sharpener that was also on sale, but when I saw that these scissors were 50% off I figured that I'd make an investment and see if high quality scissors really were as important as I'd read they are in my sewing books.

I can now say that they really are that important. And for me the spring action feature is definitely a plus. When I sewed the girl's dresses before we left for Disney World I sewed 18 hours in two and a half days (I had some late, late nights). When you're sewing that much, every little bit of help is a big plus and having the scissors spring back out on their own made cutting faster and easier (because my hands were feeling pretty tired by hour 4!).

The angle of the scissors is also better for cutting fabric, with the blade laying flush against the ground when I cut I don't have to hold by hand and arm at an awkward angle to compensate for the straight angle of regular scissors. And they cut through fabric, even thick fabrics like the velvets I've been sewing lately, like a knife cutting through soft butter. As you can see I'm a big fan.

My scissors are still living in their little silver box when they aren't being used. Everyone has strict instructions not to use them for none sewing pursuits. They won't be cutting paper or plastic anytime soon. So if you are someone who's cutting fabric in a large quantity I can definitely say that sewing scissors are a pretty useful investment. I wish I'd figured that out about 12 months ago!

The scissors pictures are from the Joann's Fabric Website.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T11:44:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas!

Last night we made quick work of all that was left to be done. I'd, thankfully, been able to finish the dresses the night before and so all we had left was wrapping and stocking stuffing.

Here the tree is with all the presents under it (and the majority of the girls existing toys around it, since this is their main play area):

Here's Sadie's stocking, which was mostly filled with felt cupcakes that I'd sewed for her tea parties.

And Mae's stocking which had her favorite jingle bells in it along with more cupcakes:

On the toy front we'd attempted to go less crazy than we have on other Christmases. This year it was a necessity, but I think we may stick with what we've come up with. The girls each got three toys and a dress. For Sadie the toys were a princess doll, princess shoes and her sewing machine. For Mae Bae they were her vacuum toy popper (for lack of a better description, it's the pink thing in the picture above), two tiny princess dolls (that came in the same package so I counted them as one present) and a big princess doll. However, there were a lot of presents from our extended family (as you'll see!)!

Here we are at 6 am as we came out into the living room. We decided we were going to do presents before Mass at 8 am, so we knew we had to be up bright (although it was still pitch black outside) and early! Mae, who is usually the early riser, had to be woken up. Sadie was very serious in this picture as she spotted the tree and presents:

Mae Bae wasn't very interested at first. She found a brushed and went over to a mirror and brushed her hair for a while. However, at this point she'd discovered a new passion. Bows.

Here's a Christmas smile.

This was Mae's favorite present. The brush that came with her princess doll. She's also more fond of Sadie's Tiana doll than her own Belle doll, and Sadie's quite attached to Mae's Belle doll, so I think they may just switch.

Here Mae is giving me a princess bow.

And here she is admiring her handiwork.

Here Sadie is with all the toys (for both of them... although I realized later I forgot to wrap the sewing machine! Yikes!). So even though we went "light" on presents and spent right, it was still pretty extravagant.

And Sadie just can't keep her eyes off her boots.

Here Mae Bae is in her Christmas princess dress, with Map, her favorite toy of all time:

Another princess dress picture:

Here Sadie is in her princess dress, looking very serious after we got home from Mass:

I put up snowflakes on the windows to pretend it's not 80 degrees outside.

And here they are together!

When Mae went down for her nap Sadie put on a princess dress and hosted a tea party:

Then it was time for a costume change (her fourth of the day) to play beauty salon.

Now we're all relaxing (while Mae continues napping) before lunch!

I hope you're all having a Merry Christmas!

Ave Verum Corpus, Natum de Maria Virgine...

2011-12-24T09:18:00.001-05:00

When I was in school (public) we began instrument lessons in fourth grade (I was the most terrible clarinet you've ever heard, demonstrating early on my complete lack of rhythm or musical talent) and had a year of chorus in fifth grade. Around Christmas that year, we sang a song that caused some parents to pull their kids out of the class (temporarily).

I remembered the words, which were Latin, because they were really drilled into our heads, even though I didn't understand what they meant at the time.

When I first became Catholic, not quite five years ago, I was surprised when I first heard a Hail Mary in Latin, because I had always thought that that was what we were saying, since the song began with Ave and had the word Maria in it too.

I've been curious to see what it was we were singing all those years ago, and so this morning I tried to type out the first verse from memory to see what I could find. It was:

"Ave verum corpus, natum

de Maria Virgine,

vere passum, immolatum

in cruce pro homine..."

...which was the part that I've had going through my head, on and off, for the past, 18 years. I had some idea what some of the words were like "ave" "verum" "cruce" and "homine" but having an actual translation helped greatly:

The translation:

"Hail, true Body, born

of the Virgin Mary,

who having truly suffered, was sacrificed

on the cross for mankind..."

The entire translation continues (in English):

"...whose pierced side

flowed with water and blod:

May it be for us a foretaste (of the Heavenly banquet)

in the trial of death.

Oh dear Jesus, Oh merciful Jesus, Oh Jesus, son of Mary,

have mercy on me. Amen."

Out of all the songs we sang, this is the only one that hasn't faded and completely disappeared with time.

I can't imagine a public school singing it now a days, even with the ability for parents to opt out... yet I'm very glad that I know it, and that I was humming it to myself and occasionally singing it, all these years.

The wikipedia page says that "The poem is a meditation on the Catholic belief in Jesus' Real Presence in the sacrament of the Eucharist, and ties it to the Catholic conception of the redemptive meaning of suffering in the life of all believers.

Yes... I can't imagine a song I would rather have had echoing around in my head for the last nearly two decades.

Edited to Add:

Thank you to Cliff for finding the clip!

The Santa Issue

2011-12-23T09:10:00.000-05:00

I’ve actually been thinking about writing this post for aweek or so. A fellow blogger askedme this question when we were at Disney World, and a friend and I had beendiscussing it while taking our children on a walk a couple weeks ago. And yet I hesitate. Why? Because I have the feeling that the topic has the potentialof exploding, in a hornets nest sort of way, no matter how I handle it.

On the other hand, half the time when I think a topic mightturn in that direction it doesn’t... While a post that I feel is perfectlyinnocent and uncontroversial that explains why I’ve done something, might turninto a fifty comment torrent of less than pleasant conversation. So maybe I should just stop trying toavoid parenting controversy (the only type I really consciously try to avoid,in other words the “Mommy Wars”), because I never do a particularly good job ofit.

The topic is one that I’m sure some of you have pondered and that others probably haven’t given much thought about because theanswer for many is so obvious is…. Santa.

When we got married I was adamant that we would “do”Santa. Yet as I read more and moreaccounts online of adults who said they’d fallen away from thefaith when they realized that Santa was a lie, and just figured that the wholeChristmas story was in the same vein, I found myself pausing to give the issue more thought. I wanted to disregard it out ofhand. But over the years I’ve reada number of writers that made the same claim.

Which basically brings up the issue of outright lying. I make every effort not to lie, in part because I know that it's wrong and I know that if I do, I’ll be headed right back to confession, even if I justgot up from kneeling behind that screen 15 minutes ago, and I’ll have to tellsomeone what I’ve done/said. Lying, in my mind, is different from many other sins because it prettymuch always involves a conscious choice to do something wrong. I might say something mean withoutmeaning to. I might say somethinggossipy, without intending to. Butif I lie, I know what I’m saying isn’t true. And that is a problem worthy of a pretty immediate trip tothe confessional. The other half is that I want my children to trust what I saw implicitly. And I absolutely don't want them to think that lying is okay.

I don't think that telling a story and using our imaginations is the same thing as lying. But when we're asked outright? That's when it becomes problematic for me.

Besides that is the fact that Sadie knows what Christmas is. She’s been talking about Baby Jesus’birthday for weeks. She singshappy birthday to him. She asksif it’s his birthday yet. We readstories about the Nativity. She’spretty much on cloud nine about it. And so at this point, introducing Santa as “real” in the aspect he’sportrayed in these days, might seem rather confusing. I’m not even sure how to bring it up as “real” if we wantedto because it doesn’t really fit with the rest of the story. What would I say: “You know how we’vebeen talking about Baby Jesus and Mary and Joseph? Well there’s also this jolly old man in a red suit…” which,at this stage, seems like it would be kind of confusing. She's so enthralled with the reality of the Nativity. I really don't think there's anything that could add to that pure, wonderful joy.

At the moment we’ve found a sort of balance. I read the girls the Night BeforeChristmas pretty frequently, just like we read about princesses and wildanimals who talk. We also talkabout the saints and read books about the saints. I don’t go out of my way to say “this is pretend” and “thisis real” but when I’m asked I’ll be honest. So far, she doesn’t ask. I'll do the same thing if she ever asks me about the Disney princesses or anything else that's pretend. As a adult who grew from a child with a very active imagination I'd say that something existing only in our imaginations doesn't make it any less wonderful!

We already celebrated Saint Nicholas’ feast day this year with presents in thegirls’ shoes outside. Sadie was thrilled. We will be doing stockings at Christmas. Sadie's been watching me sew the cupcakes she's been longing for (out of felt) for weeks. So I imagine she'll have a pretty good idea where they came from.

Despite our decision, when we were somewhere where “Santa” was going to beposing for pictures I asked her if she wanted to see him, and she said “no!!!!”in a terrified voice (apparently she still remembers past visits, whichinvolved outright hysteria…). She is into the reindeer (I imagine from the book). We talk about reindeer way more thanthe big man in red himself. She's made up her own version of "Jingle Bells" that goes: "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells... Reindeer pull a sleigh!"

So our game plan, at the moment, is to tell the girl’sstories of Saint Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, when we’re asked and say that yes, he isreal, he’s a Saint in Heaven with God, no he's not that man with the line in the red suit. And of course, I’ll certainly also teach them not to ruin the secret forother kids (a concern that usually comes up... and of course, in the same vein, I greatly appreciate it when people who know our decision and our reasoning, respect it, instead of undermining our parenting decisions and confusing our children! It's a two way street!).

Sometimes reality is so rich, that it doesn’t necessarilyneed the addition of a myth. Andwhen they’re old enough I’m sure they’ll appreciate the stories of Saint Nicholasdefending the faith (did you know one story about him is that he punched Arius,author of the Arian heresy, which claims that Christ is not divine, in the noseat a council?), alongside the stories of his generosity.

I totally understand why people “do” Santa (I know we’re inthe minority here). And no, Idon’t think it’s inherently damaging (although those stories I read did stickwith me and influence us). Just topreempt the conversation heading that way…

Still this is the route that’s working for us at themoment. Father Longnecker, over at Standing on My Head has an interesting post that gives his take, much more eloquently than I’ve explained here!

Have any of you taken this route for various reasons? I know it's a bit odd, but then again, so are a lot of our decisions!

The picture of Bishop Nicholas punching the heretic Arius in the nose is borrowed from the Saint Nicholas Center page.

Pinterest!

2011-12-23T08:03:00.000-05:00

Many of you have probably already heard of (or been sucked in...) by Pinterest. It's a site where you can basically grab pictures off of other sites by getting an account and a "Pin It" button at the top of your browser (at least that's how it works for Safari, the Mac Internet Browser) and clicking on it when you see something you like. You can then put the picture on one of the "boards" that you've created. It's pretty inevitable I'd be excited to find something like this. I spent my whole childhood/adulthood until I was too busy any longer, making long, complicated lists of pretty much everything. Pinterest totally re-enables that tendency (with pictures!)!

I've been using it to compile ideas, when I'm too sleepy to sew or do anything else constructive (or when Paul is forcing me to watch the entire Lord of the Ring's trilogy, since I have a hard time sitting still and not multi-tasking).

Most of the ideas lately have been sewing centered, with a section on dresses I'd love to be able to make, a section on girl's dresses (again, for sewing/knitting inspiration), and my personal favorite the Kids Section, with ideas for Catholic Inspired Kids Toys. There's also a "if I had an unlimited budget to decorate my home with things that I love" type section titled, "Home" and a couple other sections of various lists I've composed (all the boards can be reached here).

Are any of you on pinterest at the moment and feel like sharing?

My Sewing Journey

2011-12-22T07:48:00.001-05:00

This morning as I was looking for old photos of the outfits the girls were wearing yesterday, I began finding the pictures of my first sewing experiments. And so I compiled a series of my little girls' dresses starting with my first dressing and going right up to the present! It's pretty exciting for me to see the progress that's been made in the past two years!

The Zoo!

2011-12-22T07:26:00.003-05:00

These are a few other pictures from yesterday's trip to the zoo. We visited the lions..

But the girls are never all that impressed with the lions... all they do is lay around...

The bear, however, is a fan favorite. He's in a huge enclosure but he always seems to be hanging out right next to the class, walking back and forth.

Then we paused at our favorite park to ride a dinosaur.

Here's Mae Bae. Headed off to do her Mae Bae thing, which involves trying to sneak off and see if she can get into trouble before someone stops her. It usually involves trying to climb something very tall and scary.

Yay!

And this is another outfit I'm happy to see being worn. It was my first attempt at a pants and shirt combo!

The Giraffe

2011-12-22T07:14:00.002-05:00

We've been trying to fit in as much fun family time as we can over break, before Paul disappears back into law school study mode for the majority of the time when school restarts, and so yesterday (which also happened to be the day Sadie was officially 3 1/2) we went to the zoo. And Sadie got to feed a giraffe.

She was pretty excited.

And a close up of the excitement!

And yes, that's a dress I made her way back in the day as one of my first sewing projects! More specifically it was my first sewing experiment without a pattern (all my princess dresses are made without patterns).

I think she'd like to take the giraffe home with us.

Now she's ready to take Daddy to go see the alligators. The alligators that she was scared of and "didn't want to worry about" last time. Those alligators.

There's so much to see!

The Christmas Dress

2011-12-21T23:28:00.003-05:00

Here's the latest princess dress. It's Sadie's main Christmas present from Paul and I. Mae Bae's is halfway done and I'll be finishing it up in the coming days.

First, the fabric:

Satin sleeves:

Almost finished!

A Pearls and Lace Princess Dress

2011-12-21T08:27:00.000-05:00

I just had to share a few of my favorite photos of one of my latest princess dresses. When I made Sadie and Mae their new princess dresses, I also sewed one for another very special little girl. I made her dress a little more fancy with the pearls, instead of the plain lace I did on Sadie and Mae's! Here's a close up:

I just love how the rose satin turned out!

And here is the finished dress!

Sadie Meets Rapunzel

2011-12-21T08:19:00.001-05:00

Here Sadie is, in the pink dress at the coloring table (which I was sooooo very thankful for) after about an hour of standing in line to see Rapunzel. Daddy and Mae had gone to ride the train, but Sadie insisted we stand in line because she wasn't going home without seeing "Tangled."

Here she is with her autograph book, which was nearly full, as we approached the front of the line.

The lady that worked with Rapunzel offered to hand Rapunzel the autograph book (so Sadie could run up and hug her), but Sadie was so preoccupied with her book that she gave it back to her and Sadie took it up to Rapunzel herself.

Ta-Dah!

She finally got to meet Rapunzel!

The Tree is Up!

2011-12-20T21:34:00.003-05:00

Today we decorated the tree. Sadie and Mae spent a large portion of the decorating time rounding up all the "jingle bells" that we had and putter them in the colander.

But slowly the ornaments went up. Here's the one Sadie picked out at Disney World:

And here's Mae Bae's:

Me in kindergarten:

And the finished tree:

Not the Greatest Secret Keeper

2011-12-20T20:25:00.001-05:00

I wanted to thank all of you for the helpful responses for dealing with our nighttime situation! I'm going to have to read through them all a second time, when I'm not battling a flu that makes me want to hide under the covers and never come out. However some of you started a great conversation about when to tell kids and people outside the immediate family when you're expecting and I thought it deserved it's very own post.

I've dreamt of being one of those pregnant women that can keep a secret for four or five months, joyfully revealing sonogram pictures and gender after the 20 week anatomy check. But after three pregnancies, I've come to accept that no amount of wishing or hoping will make that a reality in our house.

Here's the first reason. Here's a picture of me at the beginning of the last pregnancy:

Here's a picture of my 10 week bump. Yeah. That's two and a half months. You can see why making it to five is pretty impossible, if I'm leaving the house at all.

With Mae's pregnancy, at around seven weeks, I started getting "looks." You know, the look when someone (in this case an 80 year old woman) looks down and stares at your stomach and then looks up with a knowing look that tells you that the gig is up. Elderly women always know. They've seen a lot of pregnancies and aren't fooled by the keep-it-a-secret tactics that first trimester moms may employ. Unfortunately, Sadie is also a Bump Spotter, and she's always on the lookout.

The size of my babies don't help the issue. You see, in order to look like this as you near the finish line, you have to be pretty gigantic by the end of the first trimester. This is what nine plus pounds of baby looks like:

I'm not great at keeping my own secrets anyways. Someone else's aren't a problem. My own, especially not wonderful secrets like a new life, are hardly ever kept. And after a few weeks of trying to hide pregnancy #3 until I was further along, I caved and told everyone.

In reality, there was no keeping it from Sadie. Mae would have been a easy. She hasn't seen the whole process before. But if I look slightly rounder after a big meal, Sadie pats my stomach and says "Hi New Baby!" So you can see how hiding a bump like the one in the second picture in this post, wouldn't have been possible unless I suddenly changed my wardrobe to sweats and baggy t-shirts. And that would have gotten everyone I know talking.

I miscarried a month after picture #2 was taken. The likelihood of miscarriage was around 1% at that point. Honestly, there was no way that we could have kept the secret up until that point, even if we were better joyful-secret-keepers.

And so, while I'm always very, very impressed with women who can keep a secret for so long, I don't see myself being able to join their ranks anytime soon.

The other point that brought up, that I like very much in theory, was whether we could just change the subject when Sadie brings up her heavenly sibling. I should mention first off that the our little saint isn't a subject that we bring up. But when she brings it up, changing the subject isn't really an option. Anyone who has a three year old, likely knows what I'm talking about.

It's like the conversation we had about Snow White earlier. Sadie saw the Snow White Christmas ornament and said: "Snow White, to da!" or something like that. I asked her to repeat it, because usually I can make out what she's saying. This time I couldn't. So I said, "uh-huh" or "oh really?" But she wasn't buying it. The answer wasn't satisfactory. And so she kept repeating it over and over again. And I do want to make sure she feels like we're listening to her and there for her, especially on an issue that's apparently so upsetting and huge.

The thing is, she's this happy, joyful kid, talking about kid stuff almost all the time. It's just between 7-10pm, in brief spurts, that she gets very upset and starts talking about the baby (or wakes up talking about the baby). And so we're plodding on. But I really appreciate that comments and suggestions and I know we'll be trying many of them to find out what is going to help her get through this. Thank you all again!

Night Time Dreams

2011-12-19T22:30:00.001-05:00

Poor Sadie's having a tough time right now. I didn't really think that she'd remember or think about the baby as much as she does, but it's been coming up more and more recently. Sometimes it's when she's awake, and that's usually not too bad. For example, here's a bit from our conversation when we were walking out the door to Mass yesterday:

Me: "Guess who we're going to see?"
Sadie: "Jesus!" After a long pause. "Will God be there?"
Me: "Yes."
Sadie: "Will the baby be there?"

Because I always tell her that the baby is in heaven with Jesus and Mary and so if Jesus is going to be at Mass, the obvious conclusion is that the baby might be there too...

But I can field those questions, although they make me want to hug her! The nightmares are harder.

She's been waking up with nightmares 9 out of 10 nights. And it's always the same. I come rushing into the room after hearing her crying and hand Mae her pacifier (because Sadie screaming pretty much always wakes up her sister) and then go to talk to Sadie, who's sobbing, sometimes to the point of shaking. I'll ask her why she's crying and the answer is always the same: "The new baby." And I'll ask her what she dreamed about the baby. For the past few months the answer was always silence.

Tonight the answers were slightly different:

Me: "Did you have a bad dream?"
Sadie: "Yes!" (between sobs)
Me: "What was it about?" (I've been hoping if we talked about the dream, and whatever it is she's dreaming, she might start to feel better about everything. At least that's my hope.)
Sadie: "Our baby!!!!"
Me: "What happened in your dream?"
Sadie: "The new baby went to heaven!!!!" (more crying)
Me: "The baby is in heaven sweetie, and the baby is really happy there. Everybody's happy in heaven." And she slips back to sleep.

We've talked about it a lot when she's brought up the baby. We've talked about how the baby is safe and happy in heaven, how it's okay to feel sad, and how the baby is with Jesus, but nothing seems to make it any easier for her, and nothing changes the nightmares.

I guess it should get better with time? I just wish there was something I could do to help her...

A Question on the Political Front

2011-12-19T07:02:00.001-05:00

Okay, here's a quick question for anyone who knows the answer.

I liked Ron Paul in the debates I've seen far more than anyone else.

However I have two hang-ups.

First off, I've read that he advocates the use of the morning after pill, which, as we all know, prevents implantation. If it's true, that pretty much puts him where Gingrich was before he backtracked a couple of weeks ago.

The second issue is the legalization on a state by state basis of marijuana. Having already lived in a state where marijuana was virtually legal (you could buy a card, sick or not, for around $200) and having a daughter who was hospitalized because she's allergic to the smoke, means I have pretty strong opinions on the subject. I've called the cops and had them say: "Sorry you're daughters in the hospital, but it's legal and there's nothing we can do." (to paraphrase my less than friendly conversation with the deputy that refused to even come to our apartment when it was pumped full of smoke from our neighbors). So that point does make me hesitate, mostly because I have seen the real damage that can result in the basic legalization of drugs.

My second point is, is a hangup that will likely remain even if my first worry is answered, but my question is on the first point and I'll at least consider him if it were no longer true.

Has Ron Paul ever clarified the position that he took in his book on the use of pills to prevent implantation and in reality, cause abortions? I was ready to not vote for Gingrich for that very reason, and that certainly would eliminate Paul for me. If anyone has a link where he's changed his position I would really like to see it.

Anyways, I'm genuinely interested in the answer if anyone knows what it is! I'd love to find something more recent than everything else I've read!

Prayers for Sly

2011-12-18T06:48:00.003-05:00

You may have already seen this post, but I just stumbled across it and had to direct anyone who hasn't seen it to Christine's blog, so that you can all add your prayers. A Catholic Mom Blogger, Christine and her son Sly were standing on the sidewalk waiting to cross the street when they were hit by a tractor-trailer. Sly did survive being run over, but they definitely could use all the prayers and support we can give.

Not That Easy...

2011-12-17T08:35:00.003-05:00

In the beginning this blog was a secret.

I told Paul about it after a few days of writing, but other than that I was silent. I kept my other, Mommy-Blog, up for a while and tried to balance them both, but in the end this blog won out, because I felt like I could write about anything here, and on my other blog it was more of a baby-type journal. This gave me a lot of freedom in what I posted, because I didn't have to worry about offending anyone that I knew in real life, which does pop into my head now before I post, as I weigh whether or not friends and acquaintances will be offended by what I've written.

On some topics it's probably fairly obvious that I don't care if my view offends some. The truth is the truth. Good is good and evil is evil. Friends will have to accept that I am pro-life now and that I won't tiptoe around the subject here (even as I accept that some of my close friends are pro-choice and that we may never agree on the subject).

But when I cross into the realm of "my day" and "what's going on here" it becomes a little more hazy.

I might write something on my blog and see people I know in real life bristle when they see me, or worse, act strangely around people that I love (who are in no way accountable for what I write here).

Of course, I'm sure the last four plus months haven't helped. I haven't been particularly sociable. In fact, the idea of being social is pretty painful right now. I've been riding along on the ups and downs that have followed the miscarriage and the experience has been more dramatic of late.

In the beginning it was almost easier. I felt very much at peace and I was grateful for that peace. Lately it's been more difficult. It's hard not to think that I should be eight months along right now and I'm really dreading February 7th, which should have been my due date. Paul has school that day and so crawling under the covers and not getting out of bed doesn't seem like an option. So I guess it is true that it's a difficult time for those who have suffered the loss of a child or or who face the cross of infertility around the holidays (not that I doubted that it was true... I guess I just thought that somehow I'd miraculously sped through this part of the process).

I think that maybe the mourning part of the process was held off because I was so busy trying to find a doctor who'd believe me and help me those first three months. I feel like I spent my time fighting for my life, and now that that is finally over I have time to think. And I keep thinking about what happened in the hospital, especially now that the healthcare company is pretending not to have received the dispute that was discussed over the phone and that they received the next day, and have turned it over to a collection agency who insists I pay for being berated and left alone and ignored when I called for help, instead of being thankful that we haven't yet reported them to the state (next on my to-do list, now that I'm no longer busy not-dying because of their incompetence).

I worry, senselessly at this point, that we won't be able to have any more children as a result of the cruelty and incompetence at the hospital, and later from seeing Doctor H who thought I was making the whole thing up and handed me a pack of birth control pills (which my second OB said wouldn't have been a high enough dose to do anything) while making a crack about how he doubted he could convince me to take more than two months worth. And I wonder how having "debris" in my uterus for over thee months, will affect any longed for future pregnancies.

Then I feel guilty for being so upset over that possibility, when I know so many beautiful families online and in real life, who struggle with the cross on infertility, and how we have already been so greatly blessed. And I wonder if, having gone from being fairly terrified of becoming a mom, to accepting God's plan for marriage, to longing for the opportunity to be a mother to a large family, the next step might be accepting that this is it (and that thought pretty much makes me cry instantly, to let you know how I'm doing on the "accepting whatever comes along" front...). I hope it's not, but it's something I'm trying to be open to accepting (again, I'd say I get a big F so far). Sometime praying "not my will but yours" seems a bit easier than others.

And I know that all of this has affected my perception of Naples. How maybe I would like it here quite a bit more if we'd arrived and none of this had happened, instead of driving around and seeing signs for the "wonderful" hospital everywhere.

Because I find myself making a list these days about things that I don't like: 1) The fact that I can take my kids to the water park in December because it's still insufferably hot and frankly, I love winter. 2) The fact that the entire area is strip mall after strip mall after strip mall as far as the eye can see and that you could visit this area for a week and literally never see a free standing house outside of a gated community.

The list goes on and on, although I try to drown it out by thinking that the birds are pretty, and that there are nice parks... and hey look, I saw another alligator (we're approaching 30!) sunning itself by the side of the freeway. I did like the entire area between Naples and Orlando quite a bit more (we took a back road that Yahoo said was the "most direct", although by far the slowest...), with towns that felt (to me) more like towns than giant sprawling tan outdoor shopping areas.

Maybe I need to go back and reread my own post on suffering. This too shall pass. And hopefully I can have a more joyful attitude about it, instead of curling up on the couch in my snuggie (which I did last night) when I have two dozen things that need to be done in the next few days. I'd like to be able to say "not my will but yours" and truly mean it on every level.

I think one of those things I'll be adding to my to do list will be the Nine Day Novena to Saint Philomena. And maybe I'll throw in a Saint Gerard Novena too.

And for all of you who have read this far... thanks for putting up with my rambling. I'm hoping it's out of my system now.

Day 3 at Disney!

2011-12-15T20:54:00.000-05:00

We found out that there is actually something more exciting than meeting Princesses. Meeting animated characters.

Mae Bae was a little less enthusiastic. At least when it came to meeting giant bugs:

We took a break from meeting characters to ride a triceratops:

And Mae Bae realized that not all the characters were scary. Every time Pooh Bear looked forward she would reach over and touch his face.

Eeyore was another Mae Bae favorite. She kissed him a couple of times on the nose!

Sadie danced with Donald Duck:

And twirled around with Chip and Dale:

She showed Miss Bunny that she knew how to curtsy:

She was excited to meet Minnie (she'd been asking about Minnie and Mickey and "how we would find them" since the day we arrived):

She was super silly when she met Goofy. She barely stopped giggling the entire time she was standing with him:

More dancing, this time with Mickey:

Then we met Thumper:

Sadie was a big fan of Meeko. We realized that she's a little shyer around the princesses, although she did like Pocahontas' long hair:

She did tell Tiana that "Mae Bae is 1!"

The cutest part of our Tiana visit was the little boy in line in front of us. He was about two years old. He stood proudly for a picture with Tiana and when she leaned in to kiss him on the cheek she quickly whipped his head around and kissed her on the lips! He looked pretty pleased with himself.

We did stop taking Mae to see princesses. If a princess isn't Snow White she isn't really all that interested in meeting them. So I tried to get Mae Bae to nap, while Sadie visited with everyone. She finally fell asleep after dinner...

When Sadie hugged Tigger, her hug was so enthusiastic that Tigger lost his balance! And there was more dancing.

After dinner we went to the street party. We watched our second parade of the day (the street party is kind of like a parade), and Sadie and I danced in the street with the cowgirl from Toy Story and about 20 other preschoolers and a handful of moms (I just can't remember her name and at the moment I"m apparently too sleepy to open a new window and google the answer...).

Mae Bae slept through the excitement.

And then it was time for the castle lighting! Everyone was so excited! And it was even more beautiful than I imagined!

Tomorrow afternoon we head home. This vacation was definitely worth the very long wait!

A Princess Adventure!

2011-12-14T19:50:00.001-05:00

Sadie and Mae had another big day today. The highlight of today was princesses. First Mae got to meet her favorite princess: Snow White. Mae Bae will only play with Snow White dolls these days. And when we met the princesses it was pretty apparent that she recognized her favorite princess. She was a little bit shy, but her little smile gives away how thrilled she was!

Belle was another favorite. While Sadie will tell you her favorite princess is Aurora, she kept hugging Belle over and over again!

Sadie was a little bit shy when it came time to meet her favorite princess! But she did give her a hug and she got an autograph in her princess book!

And we also got to meet Ariel! We weren't quite up to standing in the very, very, very long line to meet Rapunzel!

I wore my mouse ears. We couldn't convince Daddy to get a pair.

As a side note... I feel like my three time broken nose is definitely more noticeable since the latest break. Maybe someday I'll get it fixed (the damage on the inside was pretty bad before the latest break!)! In the meantime, I'll work on not walking into things (what is it with people in this family and walking into walls and doors?!?!)!

And here we are on Mae Bae's favorite ride. On our second trip through she started to fuss when we got to the end because she didn't want to get off the ride!

Sadie and Mae's Great Adventure

2011-12-13T22:18:00.002-05:00

We set off early this morning so that we'd arrive when the park opened and get in a full day of fun. Sadie could hardly wait on the car ride there. Finally, after an agonizing ten minute drive (agonizing to the three year old who was asking if it was morning before 8pm the previous night), we arrived and took the tram to the ticket booths and then the monorail into the park.

I had read up on toddler/baby Disney World strategy last night after everyone was in bed and when we arrived at the park I had a plan. We went straight back to fantasy land to ride as many rides as we could before the crowds arrived. We breezed through the carousel, Dumbo ride, Winnie the Pooh ride and Tea Cups pretty quickly and then headed over to the other side of Fantasy Land to go on the Small World ride, the Peter Pan ride and to see the Mickey Mouse 3D Phil-somthing movie. I was a little nervous about taking Mae in to the movie, but it was really good (3D technology seems to be a lot better than I remember it!) and both girls sat quietly through the whole thing). And all of that was before lunch!

Here Sadie is on the Tea Cups. This is where we discovered that she had a need for speed...

After lunch we headed over to Frontier Land. Can you read the name of the ride that we're coming out of? It's Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Sadie is over 40 inches tall, which means, at the ripe old age of three (she isn't even 3 1/2 yet!), she's tall enough to ride most of the faster rides at the park. I thought we'd try out Big Thunder Railroad to see how she liked it before trying anything else. As the car climbed in complete darkness I began to wonder if this wasn't a little too scary for Sadie. And then she started to giggle. And she began to yell: "Ready, Set, Go!" and "Faster, faster!"

As soon as we got off the ride she was begging to go again, which was perfect because the park has a ride-swap program. This meant that when we got to a ride Mae couldn't go on, we'd go up and ask the fast pass person for a swap pass. Sadie and one of us would stand in the regular line (the longest ones we saw today were like 10-15 minutes), while the other one walked around with Mae outside. Then when the pair on the ride finished, they'd come off and Paul and I would swap places and Sadie and whoever hadn't gone on the ride would go back and use the fast pass to bypass the line and go on the ride a second time. It was a pretty sweet deal for Sadie.

Big Thunder Railroad was a success, so we tried Splash Mountain. Sadie thought that Briar Fox and Briar Bear were very scary. But she giggled and cheered the 50 foot waterfall drop (twice!) and begged to go again each time. She's pretty fearless when it comes to rides it seems.

We headed to Adventure Land after Frontier Land and went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, where Mae Bae fell asleep, mid ride. Three minutes later she woke up when we left the ride (and refused to nap for the rest of the day. She was determined not to miss anything). We were on the Jungle Cruise when it began to pour rain, but it was back to blue sky by the time we'd reached the end of the river and emerged from the covered boat.

Then Sadie met her first Disney Character. Unfortunately with her new hat she thought that the best thing to do was to charge Mary Poppins, with her little head down like a bull. Thankfully the hat is soft. And Mary Poppins was very gracious as we apologized and told Sadie that we do not charge people with our hat, and she said that she didn't think she'd done it on purpose, she was just a little top heavy with her new hat.

After dinner we headed over to Epcot. Sadie announced that she would like to live in an Earth shaped space ship.

This is my favorite picture of the day. You may not be able to tell why until you see the close up:

Paul smiles through the tantrum without batting an eye. This would be a I'm-done-with-pictures-pinch. Both girls were actually really well behaved 95% of the time today. But we still had our moments!

After a walk around Epcot, which included going on the Nemo ride and walking what felt like miles and miles (my feet were pretty tired after hours of walking!) we took the ferry back across the lake, and then the monorail back to the main park. In this picture I'm pretty tired! And Mae Bae is trying to stand up to climb out of the boat!

I have to say one thing kind of surprised me today. We brought a stroller for Mae. Sadie walked pretty much everywhere until about 4pm, when she got tired and Paul started carrying her around Epcot. I was rather surprised to see how many, not exactly fit (to try to put it mildly), kids in the 8+ range were in double strollers (because they wouldn't fit in the single ones) at like 10am, being pushed around by their parents. Something just seemed off about that. It seems like Disney World would be a great place to get your kid outside and running around (or at least walking). Instead of being pushed from ride to ride with a bag of cotton candy in their lap. Anyways, that's just an observation. I have a hard time imagining kids when I was a kid riding in a stroller after a certain age...

And that, in a nutshell, was our day! I feel like we fit a lot in, since the park wasn't very crowded!

This is the first vacation we've taken with out little family in a very long time and we're pretty excited!

The Latest in Princess Dresses

2011-12-13T07:40:00.002-05:00

Sadie and Mae are getting a very big surprise this week (through the magic of groupon, early Christmas presents and being Florida state residents now). Two of these dresses were the first part of the surprise. And since we only found out we were leaving for the surprise this week, on Friday afternoon (so only two full days to get ready), I managed to sew three of these dresses in a little over two days!